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Calm down!
If you are a beginner, I have a few tips for you:
1. Play on easy difficulty.
2. Play on VS mode instead of Grand Prix mode (Grand Prix mode forces you to play on hard difficulty).
3. Computer players can't drift. Take this to your advantage by drifting when it's possible.
4. You can train by playing in time trial or online mode.
5. Use your items smartly against computer players.
6. Try to avoid obstacles such as bananas and fake item boxes.

@Ninja_Warrior_Fan, alternative accounts are not autorized on the game.

EDIT: I didn't seen the reason why you did that. My apologies. But sadly, that's still against the rules. :S

mario kart tour is better.

mario kart 8 dulxe

Either stats-wise, or how much you like the character, you can choose them using either factor.

SNES: Not really any of them; they're all really good.
N64: Like SNES, all really good.
GBA: Exact same as N64.
GCN: Probably Wario. He's a heavy-weight, so he doesn't give the mini-turbo boost when in the back, and I rarely ever seem to hit anyone with the Bob-omb. Mario and Luigi could also arguably be given this spot, as the Fireball is kinda hard to use effectively too.
DS: I'm not really sure, since it's mainly the Karts that play a role in this game stats-wise. Though, if we rank them by Kart stats, I know it's not Luigi, Yoshi, Dry Bones, or ROB, since I'm pretty sure the Poltergust 4000, Egg 1, Dry Bomber, and ROB BLS are the best karts in the game.
Wii: King Boo. The stats that he gives boosts in, Handling and Off-Road, aren't very useful in competitive racing.
3DS: Honey Queen. There's no reason why she got in over Waluigi. (Wiggler's cool though. Him going angry when he gets hit is a nice touch, and proves they actually put effort into him)
WiiU: Pink Gold Peach. Clone. Waste of Character Slot. Etc.
PC: Sure, let's count MKPC. The answer is DK. Because Handling is the most important stat here by FAR, and DK's handling stat is terrible.

so f word awseome