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[FANFIC] Zombie Survival

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Messages 5015 - King Mario King Mario
vs37826 pts ★ Legend
battle16626 pts ★ Master
Nepal
IlluZhion wrote:
EP4 PART 1 - The Power Outage

After a long night of partying and getting drunk, Fiery and co. decide to escape the city after 1 day of sleep deprivation.

Lemon: I’m strooooooooooonggg as an oooniiiiiiiii…
IlluZhion: Remiiiiiiiiiinds me of the tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime I plaaaaaaaayed Touuuuuuhouuuuu Proooooject and I had to fiiiiiiight Suiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaaaa…
Lemon: Ah, screeeew thaaaaaaat, let’s-
*Kissing*
Fiery: Bruh… What the fuck?
Cringeh: dhdshjhkjhwefhuefnsfhsfshfksak
???: Mind if you shut your mouth, bitch?
osc: Innit man this guy keeps on blabbering about what he did for his maths homework like my guy shut your mouth for 1 second
Fiery: oh crap why’s ralsei here man NAWWWWWW
Ralsei: Cry about it bitch
Fiery: I will turn your skin into a coat. Anyways, we really need to escape this place, our heads are on the line.
IlluZhion: Iiiiiiii’mma caaaaaaarryyyyyy Leeeeeeeeemoooooon, she’s toooooo druuuuuuuuuunk to go alooooooooone…
xrunner: Ain’t no way man, you’re also drunk as hell…
Ralsei: Honestly bro, these two are seriously weird…
IlluZhion: Noooooooooooooo weeeeeeeee’re noooooooot…
Fiery: Dude, you literally gave your own girlfriend 5 gallons of sake… Hey, stop tampering with my voice lines!
IlluZhion: Hahahahahahahahahaha, no waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan…
osc: are you having a stroke
Cringeh: AAAAAAAAAA
Zombies: We’ll be taking him.
Lemon: Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww- what?! WHO?! NO-ONE DID A THING!
Fiery: Oh good riddance, he’s a party pooper. Nobody cares about him that much anyway, just a nerd.
Popplio: At least he’s not a dog
Fiery: Kind of wish he was, then he wouldn’t be able to speak so much.
xrunner: Hey while you guys were chatting I got the secret Green Hill Zone level
IlluZhion: NOBODY CARES, CRINGEH COULD DIE!!! But to be fair, I did kind of hate him…
Lemon: Wait, was I drunk?! WHY AM I HALF-
osc: Put your hand up if you cared about him. See, nobody except you two care.
Fiery: you don’t have hands…
osc: that’s still a no for caring about him
IlluZhion: I didn’t even give two shits… So long as my Lemon is safe, I just acted like I cared lol
Fiery: what about Shifu and Hiku who are just standing at the door right there…
Lemon: WHO THE HELL ARE THEY?!
IlluZhion: One second, I need to talk to them…
Fiery: Sayonara, plot armor…STOP MESSING WITH MY VOICE LINES
osc: and you’re having another stroke…
IlluZhion: Just shut up Fiery, I need to chat with ‘em…
Hiku-chan: Hey IlluZhion-san~
Lemon: WHAT THE HELL?! WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO MY ILLUZHION LIKE THAT?!
Shifu: Oh, you don’t know? Uh, move along, cat girl, he’s my husband…
Lemon: WWWWWWWWWWWWW- WHAT?!
Fiery: ah crap lol more conflict…i swear man i’m going to commit manslaughter
osc: STOP HAVING A STROKE, JESUS CHRIST!
Lemon: HOW DARE YOU ATTEMPT TO SEDUCE MY ILLUZHION!!!
Hiku-chan: You sure you wanna fight me, feline?!
*Hiku-chan’s lost eye glows*
Lemon: WHAT THE HELL?! YOU ONLY HAVE ONE EYE!!!
Hiku-chan: And I have a power that bests your own. Leave my husband alone.
Lemon: Grrrrrrrrr…
Shifu: YOUR HUSBAND?! HE LOVES ME MORE!!!
Lemon: BOTH OF YOU ARE WRONG!!! HE LOVES ME THE MOST!!!
IlluZhion: Oh boy, more conflict…
Cosmo: Well at least try to stop your wives from fighting, dude…
Popplio: Why does polygamy always end this way…?

Ralsei: HUH?!
Popplio: Oh nevermind...
Ralsei: EXACTLY BITCH!!!
Fiery: Pssst guys, let’s just go without them, they will never stop at this pace.
Lemon: Fine, we’re going…
Hiku-chan: Keep your hands off him, both of you…
Shifu and Lemon: …
Fiery: So we going now? After 8 million years? Good, let’s go.

Back at home…

*VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
Hiku-chan: A power outage? What the hell is going on here?!
IlluZhion: Let’s go check the power…
Lemon: I’m going with you…
Fiery: Why are we checking the power instead of finding a way out of this labyrinth of buildings?
xrunner: Well IlluZhion’s plan does sound better, in all fairness…
Shifu: Why don’t we all go?

In the basement…

Hiku-chan: This place gives me trauma from somewhere…
Shifu: Don’t think about that…
Lemon: Well I’m going with IlluZhion, you simps better find someone else to leech onto…
Fiery: I’m not going inside here.
Nudge: Cry about it, we’re all going in.
Fiery: you know what i dont care about your opinion on it i’m not going inside i’m running away and probably encountering the zombies but i dont give a crap since its better than staying with you barnacles!
IlluZhion: Let’s just go…
Fiery: Jeez, you don’t have to be this stoic… OK FINE I’M GOING… I want to kill myself right now…
osc: Dude, it’s just a prank… Calm down…
Fiery: I mean going in this dark place. Did I ever tell you I had a fear of the dark? That’s why I had this lighter.
Dark: Am I a joke to you?
Fiery: yes in fact you are all you do in this story is be a fortnite fanboy go catch a victory royale or some shit
IlluZhion: Stop arguing, the lot of you… Let’s go…
Fiery: holy crap i’ve turned into what i want to destroy most…I HATE YOU SCRIPT WRITER! (i mean myself)

At the branching paths…

Hiku-chan: What the hell? How big is this place?
osc: By the looks of it, it’s so big you could make this place into a bunker…
Shifu: Better than the one me and Hiku were stuck in for hours… Wait, come to think of it that’s when we fell for IlluZhion…
IlluZhion: Let’s split into groups… Me, Hiku-chan, Shifu, Lemon and Fiery are going one way…
Nudge: Obviously you go with all the girls…
osc: Well Fiery’s a dude…
Nudge: I’m not blind…
IlluZhion: Nudge, osc and the others go the other way…
xrunner: I’mma go my own way… I can noclip my way in…
Fiery: No thank you…*runs out the door*
IlluZhion: Ok, both of you can go your way…
Lemon: Let’s get going then…
Hiku-chan: Don’t this remind you of somethin’? Like…
IlluZhion: The Catacombs? Nah, not really.
Shifu: Well of course, you ARE a vampire…
Lemon: Wait I just noticed something… You two aren’t vampires… You sure you’re married to IlluZhion?
Hiku-chan: Well the thing is… Both me and Shifu are phantoms…
Lemon: Uhhh…
Fiery in a muffled voice: Can you guys go on instead of having this chit chat?
Hiku-chan: Gah, fine…
Lemon: Welp, lookee here…
Hiku-chan: How on earth are we gonna get up THERE?!
Lemon: That’s the thing, me and IlluZhion are gonna go up there. You guys just look about below, ok?
Fiery in a muffled voice: How about you guys actually go back instead of having this shit?
IlluZhion: No goddamn way. This is my- correction, OUR city. We ain’t leavin’ till the very end…
Fiery in a muffled voice: Well, okay, see ya.
Shifu: What a coward…
Fiery: HEARD THAT! FINE IF YOU WANT ME DOWN THERE THEN FINE YOU PIECES OF SHIT.
Shifu: No, coward, you go cry about it…
Fiery: OK THAT’S IT…
*Fiery just runs off shouting “FUCK YOU DIPSHITS”*
Hiku-chan: What?
Lemon: Like we can’t hear that…
IlluZhion: Lemon, let’s just get going…
Lemon: Okie~

Meanwhile…

Nudge: Urrrgggh, just thinking about this place makes me irk…
Popplio: At least there aren’t any dogs h-
*WOOF WOOF*
Popplio: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!
Nudge: Oops, sorry, just my MP3 player sound effect 😛
Popplio: WHAT?!
osc: Stop it, both of you. Let’s get going…
K: I agree, we can’t afford to lose anyone else, like what happened with Cringeh…
Cosmo: Oh, like anyone cares about him! Let’s just move on…

Elsewhere…

xrunner: Whew, I’m almost there…
*BRAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNSSSS…*
xrunner: Fuck that, I’m go-
*He can’t noclip through the terrain*
xrunner: Ah bollocks…
Cringeh?: Urrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhh…
xrunner: WHAT THE FUCK?! CRINGEH?!
Huge Zombie: Reveeeeeeeeennnnnnnnggggggge… Geeeeeeettt reveeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnggggggge…
xrunner: Fuck this shit, I’m running away…
*One of the zombies bites xrunner*
xrunner: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!


Also elsewhere…


Fiery: Man I actually feel kind of bad…
*Clanking noises*
Nudge: WHAT?! DON’T TELL ME THE ZOMBIES FOUND US AS WELL!
*Ceiling burns away*
Fiery: WOAAAAHH! Dang it, should have known that this city was still in construction.
Dark: What the fuck are you doing here, Fiery? I thought you chickened out…
Fiery: I thought you were getting one of those bitch Victory Royales…
Dark: THE FUCK DID YOU SAY?!
Fiery: It’s not chicken to do something that is reasonable. But I guess I interrupted you having a victory royale, so yay.
Dark: Oh you are going to-
osc: Listen its not worth it

Back with IlluZhion…

Lemon: This is kinda cute… You, me, this complete darkness…
IlluZhion: Heh, ya think so?
Lemon: Just c’mere and-
*Kissing*
Hiku-chan: What the fuck? Are they kissing AGAIN?!
Shifu: Sounds like it… Let’s go, Hiku…
IlluZhion: Oh my gosh, you’re so-
*Kissing continues*
Script writer: Ok, can you actually stop?
IlluZhion: NO!
*Kissing*
Script writer: Honestly…
Shifu: Didn’t the script writer literally just tell them to stop? Ok, let’s roll…
xrunner?: BRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSS…
Hiku-chan: Lol, we can’t even get bitten…
Shifu: Oh yeah, this armor…
*They just walk through like nothing happened*


Very good but

IlluZhion wrote:
Cringeh: dhdshjhkjhwefhuefnsfhsfshfksak


What is that?????????????????
Messages 3133 - King Mario King Mario
vs13554 pts ★ Champion
battle5368 pts ★ Novice
United Kingdom
IlluZhion wrote:
EP4 PART 1 - The Power Outage

After a long night of partying and getting drunk, Fiery and co. decide to escape the city after 1 day of sleep deprivation.

Lemon: I’m strooooooooooonggg as an oooniiiiiiiii…
IlluZhion: Remiiiiiiiiiinds me of the tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime I plaaaaaaaayed Touuuuuuhouuuuu Proooooject and I had to fiiiiiiight Suiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaaaa…
Lemon: Ah, screeeew thaaaaaaat, let’s-
*Kissing*
Fiery: Bruh… What the fuck?
Cringeh: dhdshjhkjhwefhuefnsfhsfshfksak
???: Mind if you shut your mouth, bitch?
osc: Innit man this guy keeps on blabbering about what he did for his maths homework like my guy shut your mouth for 1 second
Fiery: oh crap why’s ralsei here man NAWWWWWW
Ralsei: Cry about it bitch
Fiery: I will turn your skin into a coat. Anyways, we really need to escape this place, our heads are on the line.
IlluZhion: Iiiiiiii’mma caaaaaaarryyyyyy Leeeeeeeeemoooooon, she’s toooooo druuuuuuuuuunk to go alooooooooone…
xrunner: Ain’t no way man, you’re also drunk as hell…
Ralsei: Honestly bro, these two are seriously weird…
IlluZhion: Noooooooooooooo weeeeeeeee’re noooooooot…
Fiery: Dude, you literally gave your own girlfriend 5 gallons of sake… Hey, stop tampering with my voice lines!
IlluZhion: Hahahahahahahahahaha, no waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan…
osc: are you having a stroke
Cringeh: AAAAAAAAAA
Zombies: We’ll be taking him.
Lemon: Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww- what?! WHO?! NO-ONE DID A THING!
Fiery: Oh good riddance, he’s a party pooper. Nobody cares about him that much anyway, just a nerd.
Popplio: At least he’s not a dog
Fiery: Kind of wish he was, then he wouldn’t be able to speak so much.
xrunner: Hey while you guys were chatting I got the secret Green Hill Zone level
IlluZhion: NOBODY CARES, CRINGEH COULD DIE!!! But to be fair, I did kind of hate him…
Lemon: Wait, was I drunk?! WHY AM I HALF-
osc: Put your hand up if you cared about him. See, nobody except you two care.
Fiery: you don’t have hands…
osc: that’s still a no for caring about him
IlluZhion: I didn’t even give two shits… So long as my Lemon is safe, I just acted like I cared lol
Fiery: what about Shifu and Hiku who are just standing at the door right there…
Lemon: WHO THE HELL ARE THEY?!
IlluZhion: One second, I need to talk to them…
Fiery: Sayonara, plot armor…STOP MESSING WITH MY VOICE LINES
osc: and you’re having another stroke…
IlluZhion: Just shut up Fiery, I need to chat with ‘em…
Hiku-chan: Hey IlluZhion-san~
Lemon: WHAT THE HELL?! WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO MY ILLUZHION LIKE THAT?!
Shifu: Oh, you don’t know? Uh, move along, cat girl, he’s my husband…
Lemon: WWWWWWWWWWWWW- WHAT?!
Fiery: ah crap lol more conflict…i swear man i’m going to commit manslaughter
osc: STOP HAVING A STROKE, JESUS CHRIST!
Lemon: HOW DARE YOU ATTEMPT TO SEDUCE MY ILLUZHION!!!
Hiku-chan: You sure you wanna fight me, feline?!
*Hiku-chan’s lost eye glows*
Lemon: WHAT THE HELL?! YOU ONLY HAVE ONE EYE!!!
Hiku-chan: And I have a power that bests your own. Leave my husband alone.
Lemon: Grrrrrrrrr…
Shifu: YOUR HUSBAND?! HE LOVES ME MORE!!!
Lemon: BOTH OF YOU ARE WRONG!!! HE LOVES ME THE MOST!!!
IlluZhion: Oh boy, more conflict…
Cosmo: Well at least try to stop your wives from fighting, dude…
Popplio: Why does polygamy always end this way…?

Ralsei: HUH?!
Popplio: Oh nevermind...
Ralsei: EXACTLY BITCH!!!
Fiery: Pssst guys, let’s just go without them, they will never stop at this pace.
Lemon: Fine, we’re going…
Hiku-chan: Keep your hands off him, both of you…
Shifu and Lemon: …
Fiery: So we going now? After 8 million years? Good, let’s go.

Back at home…

*VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
Hiku-chan: A power outage? What the hell is going on here?!
IlluZhion: Let’s go check the power…
Lemon: I’m going with you…
Fiery: Why are we checking the power instead of finding a way out of this labyrinth of buildings?
xrunner: Well IlluZhion’s plan does sound better, in all fairness…
Shifu: Why don’t we all go?

In the basement…

Hiku-chan: This place gives me trauma from somewhere…
Shifu: Don’t think about that…
Lemon: Well I’m going with IlluZhion, you simps better find someone else to leech onto…
Fiery: I’m not going inside here.
Nudge: Cry about it, we’re all going in.
Fiery: you know what i dont care about your opinion on it i’m not going inside i’m running away and probably encountering the zombies but i dont give a crap since its better than staying with you barnacles!
IlluZhion: Let’s just go…
Fiery: Jeez, you don’t have to be this stoic… OK FINE I’M GOING… I want to kill myself right now…
osc: Dude, it’s just a prank… Calm down…
Fiery: I mean going in this dark place. Did I ever tell you I had a fear of the dark? That’s why I had this lighter.
Dark: Am I a joke to you?
Fiery: yes in fact you are all you do in this story is be a fortnite fanboy go catch a victory royale or some shit
IlluZhion: Stop arguing, the lot of you… Let’s go…
Fiery: holy crap i’ve turned into what i want to destroy most…I HATE YOU SCRIPT WRITER! (i mean myself)

At the branching paths…

Hiku-chan: What the hell? How big is this place?
osc: By the looks of it, it’s so big you could make this place into a bunker…
Shifu: Better than the one me and Hiku were stuck in for hours… Wait, come to think of it that’s when we fell for IlluZhion…
IlluZhion: Let’s split into groups… Me, Hiku-chan, Shifu, Lemon and Fiery are going one way…
Nudge: Obviously you go with all the girls…
osc: Well Fiery’s a dude…
Nudge: I’m not blind…
IlluZhion: Nudge, osc and the others go the other way…
xrunner: I’mma go my own way… I can noclip my way in…
Fiery: No thank you…*runs out the door*
IlluZhion: Ok, both of you can go your way…
Lemon: Let’s get going then…
Hiku-chan: Don’t this remind you of somethin’? Like…
IlluZhion: The Catacombs? Nah, not really.
Shifu: Well of course, you ARE a vampire…
Lemon: Wait I just noticed something… You two aren’t vampires… You sure you’re married to IlluZhion?
Hiku-chan: Well the thing is… Both me and Shifu are phantoms…
Lemon: Uhhh…
Fiery in a muffled voice: Can you guys go on instead of having this chit chat?
Hiku-chan: Gah, fine…
Lemon: Welp, lookee here…
Hiku-chan: How on earth are we gonna get up THERE?!
Lemon: That’s the thing, me and IlluZhion are gonna go up there. You guys just look about below, ok?
Fiery in a muffled voice: How about you guys actually go back instead of having this shit?
IlluZhion: No goddamn way. This is my- correction, OUR city. We ain’t leavin’ till the very end…
Fiery in a muffled voice: Well, okay, see ya.
Shifu: What a coward…
Fiery: HEARD THAT! FINE IF YOU WANT ME DOWN THERE THEN FINE YOU PIECES OF SHIT.
Shifu: No, coward, you go cry about it…
Fiery: OK THAT’S IT…
*Fiery just runs off shouting “FUCK YOU DIPSHITS”*
Hiku-chan: What?
Lemon: Like we can’t hear that…
IlluZhion: Lemon, let’s just get going…
Lemon: Okie~

Meanwhile…

Nudge: Urrrgggh, just thinking about this place makes me irk…
Popplio: At least there aren’t any dogs h-
*WOOF WOOF*
Popplio: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!
Nudge: Oops, sorry, just my MP3 player sound effect 😛
Popplio: WHAT?!
osc: Stop it, both of you. Let’s get going…
K: I agree, we can’t afford to lose anyone else, like what happened with Cringeh…
Cosmo: Oh, like anyone cares about him! Let’s just move on…

Elsewhere…

xrunner: Whew, I’m almost there…
*BRAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNSSSS…*
xrunner: Fuck that, I’m go-
*He can’t noclip through the terrain*
xrunner: Ah bollocks…
Cringeh?: Urrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhh…
xrunner: WHAT THE FUCK?! CRINGEH?!
Huge Zombie: Reveeeeeeeeennnnnnnnggggggge… Geeeeeeettt reveeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnggggggge…
xrunner: Fuck this shit, I’m running away…
*One of the zombies bites xrunner*
xrunner: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!


Also elsewhere…


Fiery: Man I actually feel kind of bad…
*Clanking noises*
Nudge: WHAT?! DON’T TELL ME THE ZOMBIES FOUND US AS WELL!
*Ceiling burns away*
Fiery: WOAAAAHH! Dang it, should have known that this city was still in construction.
Dark: What the fuck are you doing here, Fiery? I thought you chickened out…
Fiery: I thought you were getting one of those bitch Victory Royales…
Dark: THE FUCK DID YOU SAY?!
Fiery: It’s not chicken to do something that is reasonable. But I guess I interrupted you having a victory royale, so yay.
Dark: Oh you are going to-
osc: Listen its not worth it

Back with IlluZhion…

Lemon: This is kinda cute… You, me, this complete darkness…
IlluZhion: Heh, ya think so?
Lemon: Just c’mere and-
*Kissing*
Hiku-chan: What the fuck? Are they kissing AGAIN?!
Shifu: Sounds like it… Let’s go, Hiku…
IlluZhion: Oh my gosh, you’re so-
*Kissing continues*
Script writer: Ok, can you actually stop?
IlluZhion: NO!
*Kissing*
Script writer: Honestly…
Shifu: Didn’t the script writer literally just tell them to stop? Ok, let’s roll…
xrunner?: BRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSS…
Hiku-chan: Lol, we can’t even get bitten…
Shifu: Oh yeah, this armor…
*They just walk through like nothing happened*


Very good but

IlluZhion wrote:
Cringeh: dhdshjhkjhwefhuefnsfhsfshfksak


What is that?????????????????

Zombie noises
xd3
mario_dead1
Messages 10540 - King Mario King Mario
vs35265 pts ★ Legend
battle6102 pts ★ Racer
France
Spoiler [ShowHide]
IlluZhion wrote:
EP4 PART 1 - The Power Outage

After a long night of partying and getting drunk, Fiery and co. decide to escape the city after 1 day of sleep deprivation.

Lemon: I’m strooooooooooonggg as an oooniiiiiiiii…
IlluZhion: Remiiiiiiiiiinds me of the tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime I plaaaaaaaayed Touuuuuuhouuuuu Proooooject and I had to fiiiiiiight Suiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaaaa…
Lemon: Ah, screeeew thaaaaaaat, let’s-
*Kissing*
Fiery: Bruh… What the fuck?
Cringeh: dhdshjhkjhwefhuefnsfhsfshfksak
???: Mind if you shut your mouth, bitch?
osc: Innit man this guy keeps on blabbering about what he did for his maths homework like my guy shut your mouth for 1 second
Fiery: oh crap why’s ralsei here man NAWWWWWW
Ralsei: Cry about it bitch
Fiery: I will turn your skin into a coat. Anyways, we really need to escape this place, our heads are on the line.
IlluZhion: Iiiiiiii’mma caaaaaaarryyyyyy Leeeeeeeeemoooooon, she’s toooooo druuuuuuuuuunk to go alooooooooone…
xrunner: Ain’t no way man, you’re also drunk as hell…
Ralsei: Honestly bro, these two are seriously weird…
IlluZhion: Noooooooooooooo weeeeeeeee’re noooooooot…
Fiery: Dude, you literally gave your own girlfriend 5 gallons of sake… Hey, stop tampering with my voice lines!
IlluZhion: Hahahahahahahahahaha, no waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan…
osc: are you having a stroke
Cringeh: AAAAAAAAAA
Zombies: We’ll be taking him.
Lemon: Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww- what?! WHO?! NO-ONE DID A THING!
Fiery: Oh good riddance, he’s a party pooper. Nobody cares about him that much anyway, just a nerd.
Popplio: At least he’s not a dog
Fiery: Kind of wish he was, then he wouldn’t be able to speak so much.
xrunner: Hey while you guys were chatting I got the secret Green Hill Zone level
IlluZhion: NOBODY CARES, CRINGEH COULD DIE!!! But to be fair, I did kind of hate him…
Lemon: Wait, was I drunk?! WHY AM I HALF-
osc: Put your hand up if you cared about him. See, nobody except you two care.
Fiery: you don’t have hands…
osc: that’s still a no for caring about him
IlluZhion: I didn’t even give two shits… So long as my Lemon is safe, I just acted like I cared lol
Fiery: what about Shifu and Hiku who are just standing at the door right there…
Lemon: WHO THE HELL ARE THEY?!
IlluZhion: One second, I need to talk to them…
Fiery: Sayonara, plot armor…STOP MESSING WITH MY VOICE LINES
osc: and you’re having another stroke…
IlluZhion: Just shut up Fiery, I need to chat with ‘em…
Hiku-chan: Hey IlluZhion-san~
Lemon: WHAT THE HELL?! WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO MY ILLUZHION LIKE THAT?!
Shifu: Oh, you don’t know? Uh, move along, cat girl, he’s my husband…
Lemon: WWWWWWWWWWWWW- WHAT?!
Fiery: ah crap lol more conflict…i swear man i’m going to commit manslaughter
osc: STOP HAVING A STROKE, JESUS CHRIST!
Lemon: HOW DARE YOU ATTEMPT TO SEDUCE MY ILLUZHION!!!
Hiku-chan: You sure you wanna fight me, feline?!
*Hiku-chan’s lost eye glows*
Lemon: WHAT THE HELL?! YOU ONLY HAVE ONE EYE!!!
Hiku-chan: And I have a power that bests your own. Leave my husband alone.
Lemon: Grrrrrrrrr…
Shifu: YOUR HUSBAND?! HE LOVES ME MORE!!!
Lemon: BOTH OF YOU ARE WRONG!!! HE LOVES ME THE MOST!!!
IlluZhion: Oh boy, more conflict…
Cosmo: Well at least try to stop your wives from fighting, dude…
Popplio: Why does polygamy always end this way…?

Ralsei: HUH?!
Popplio: Oh nevermind...
Ralsei: EXACTLY BITCH!!!
Fiery: Pssst guys, let’s just go without them, they will never stop at this pace.
Lemon: Fine, we’re going…
Hiku-chan: Keep your hands off him, both of you…
Shifu and Lemon: …
Fiery: So we going now? After 8 million years? Good, let’s go.

Back at home…

*VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
Hiku-chan: A power outage? What the hell is going on here?!
IlluZhion: Let’s go check the power…
Lemon: I’m going with you…
Fiery: Why are we checking the power instead of finding a way out of this labyrinth of buildings?
xrunner: Well IlluZhion’s plan does sound better, in all fairness…
Shifu: Why don’t we all go?

In the basement…

Hiku-chan: This place gives me trauma from somewhere…
Shifu: Don’t think about that…
Lemon: Well I’m going with IlluZhion, you simps better find someone else to leech onto…
Fiery: I’m not going inside here.
Nudge: Cry about it, we’re all going in.
Fiery: you know what i dont care about your opinion on it i’m not going inside i’m running away and probably encountering the zombies but i dont give a crap since its better than staying with you barnacles!
IlluZhion: Let’s just go…
Fiery: Jeez, you don’t have to be this stoic… OK FINE I’M GOING… I want to kill myself right now…
osc: Dude, it’s just a prank… Calm down…
Fiery: I mean going in this dark place. Did I ever tell you I had a fear of the dark? That’s why I had this lighter.
Dark: Am I a joke to you?
Fiery: yes in fact you are all you do in this story is be a fortnite fanboy go catch a victory royale or some shit
IlluZhion: Stop arguing, the lot of you… Let’s go…
Fiery: holy crap i’ve turned into what i want to destroy most…I HATE YOU SCRIPT WRITER! (i mean myself)

At the branching paths…

Hiku-chan: What the hell? How big is this place?
osc: By the looks of it, it’s so big you could make this place into a bunker…
Shifu: Better than the one me and Hiku were stuck in for hours… Wait, come to think of it that’s when we fell for IlluZhion…
IlluZhion: Let’s split into groups… Me, Hiku-chan, Shifu, Lemon and Fiery are going one way…
Nudge: Obviously you go with all the girls…
osc: Well Fiery’s a dude…
Nudge: I’m not blind…
IlluZhion: Nudge, osc and the others go the other way…
xrunner: I’mma go my own way… I can noclip my way in…
Fiery: No thank you…*runs out the door*
IlluZhion: Ok, both of you can go your way…
Lemon: Let’s get going then…
Hiku-chan: Don’t this remind you of somethin’? Like…
IlluZhion: The Catacombs? Nah, not really.
Shifu: Well of course, you ARE a vampire…
Lemon: Wait I just noticed something… You two aren’t vampires… You sure you’re married to IlluZhion?
Hiku-chan: Well the thing is… Both me and Shifu are phantoms…
Lemon: Uhhh…
Fiery in a muffled voice: Can you guys go on instead of having this chit chat?
Hiku-chan: Gah, fine…
Lemon: Welp, lookee here…
Hiku-chan: How on earth are we gonna get up THERE?!
Lemon: That’s the thing, me and IlluZhion are gonna go up there. You guys just look about below, ok?
Fiery in a muffled voice: How about you guys actually go back instead of having this shit?
IlluZhion: No goddamn way. This is my- correction, OUR city. We ain’t leavin’ till the very end…
Fiery in a muffled voice: Well, okay, see ya.
Shifu: What a coward…
Fiery: HEARD THAT! FINE IF YOU WANT ME DOWN THERE THEN FINE YOU PIECES OF SHIT.
Shifu: No, coward, you go cry about it…
Fiery: OK THAT’S IT…
*Fiery just runs off shouting “FUCK YOU DIPSHITS”*
Hiku-chan: What?
Lemon: Like we can’t hear that…
IlluZhion: Lemon, let’s just get going…
Lemon: Okie~

Meanwhile…

Nudge: Urrrgggh, just thinking about this place makes me irk…
Popplio: At least there aren’t any dogs h-
*WOOF WOOF*
Popplio: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!
Nudge: Oops, sorry, just my MP3 player sound effect 😛
Popplio: WHAT?!
osc: Stop it, both of you. Let’s get going…
K: I agree, we can’t afford to lose anyone else, like what happened with Cringeh…
Cosmo: Oh, like anyone cares about him! Let’s just move on…

Elsewhere…

xrunner: Whew, I’m almost there…
*BRAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNSSSS…*
xrunner: Fuck that, I’m go-
*He can’t noclip through the terrain*
xrunner: Ah bollocks…
Cringeh?: Urrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhh…
xrunner: WHAT THE FUCK?! CRINGEH?!
Huge Zombie: Reveeeeeeeeennnnnnnnggggggge… Geeeeeeettt reveeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnggggggge…
xrunner: Fuck this shit, I’m running away…
*One of the zombies bites xrunner*
xrunner: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!


Also elsewhere…


Fiery: Man I actually feel kind of bad…
*Clanking noises*
Nudge: WHAT?! DON’T TELL ME THE ZOMBIES FOUND US AS WELL!
*Ceiling burns away*
Fiery: WOAAAAHH! Dang it, should have known that this city was still in construction.
Dark: What the fuck are you doing here, Fiery? I thought you chickened out…
Fiery: I thought you were getting one of those bitch Victory Royales…
Dark: THE FUCK DID YOU SAY?!
Fiery: It’s not chicken to do something that is reasonable. But I guess I interrupted you having a victory royale, so yay.
Dark: Oh you are going to-
osc: Listen its not worth it

Back with IlluZhion…

Lemon: This is kinda cute… You, me, this complete darkness…
IlluZhion: Heh, ya think so?
Lemon: Just c’mere and-
*Kissing*
Hiku-chan: What the fuck? Are they kissing AGAIN?!
Shifu: Sounds like it… Let’s go, Hiku…
IlluZhion: Oh my gosh, you’re so-
*Kissing continues*
Script writer: Ok, can you actually stop?
IlluZhion: NO!
*Kissing*
Script writer: Honestly…
Shifu: Didn’t the script writer literally just tell them to stop? Ok, let’s roll…
xrunner?: BRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSS…
Hiku-chan: Lol, we can’t even get bitten…
Shifu: Oh yeah, this armor…
*They just walk through like nothing happened*

You got catfished. That implicates Shifu and Hiku not existing, being like the "incels" we talked about for so long. That implicates they could be a 63 year old man that actually framed all of us. And you still kissed them? Ew. I find that episode to be overly cringeh (welcome back !), I'm sorry but it was actually hard to read it, impossible to keep a straight face. I understand what you wanted to do, but nah, the execution was poor.
First off it's not even confirmed that Lemon likes you back. So basically you're writing fanfic episodes where you kiss someone that basically does not like you back. Imagine if I had a crush on Jey. I would not write episodes where we kiss, since he does not like me back ? That's so weird... Basically throughout the episode she's so protective of you and kisses you every 2 seconds... but in real life she may just see you as a friend ? Or maybe be irked at you ? You're always telling me "she got shy". She just didn't respond to those texts. Maybe she's disgusted by them, but as the polite person she is, she just avoid the discussion.
So maybe Lemon is irked at you and you're still kissing throughout the episode.
That brings us to the character of Lemon as a whole. I find her to be so fake and unrealistic every time YOU are writing. You're always making Lemon so protective over you, saying she loves you, clearly having a crush over you, being brutal for you, a badass girl and an edgelord... in real life she's a polite girl who speaks Japanese and responds to anything in the nicest way possible. It's like if one fanfic made my overall character a misogynistic person... it's not because it's what you would like the person to be, that you have to change the person. Enhancing some traits to make the character more interesting is okay, but at this point it is hardly Lemon.
That brings us to the very usage of Hiku and Shifu in this fanfic. They are non-existent. They are the incels all along. So why does Shifu says out of nowhere "he's my husband" ??? Bro you're talking about PDC_Cosmo, duragjamal, etc. Do you want to be their husband ? Ew. No. Even if it's all fictional, seeing it as someone who knows the story is disturbing. And it's cringe. Marriage implicated in a fanfic that is addressed towards young kids ? I was 9 when I entered this, if I saw that at 9...
I'm sorry, it's just too mushy. Sometimes it's incredible how the theming of the zombies has became secondary. Like... Cringeh's getting kidnapped? OK, you all hate him, but the little amount of emphasis put about it is incredibly low. You focus more on kissing Lemon and in the annoying love square track between Hiku, Shifu, Lemon and you. It is the primary element of this episode. Cringeh has been kidnapped and nobody cares. Everything that matters is lovey lovey lovey dovey dovey dovey...
I'm sorry. It's just too cringe to my taste.
up5
thumbsup5
mario_facepalm1
Messages 1226 - Golden Mario Golden Mario
vs17573 pts ★ Master
battle5983 pts ★ Novice
Philippines
Killulely wrote:
Spoiler [ShowHide]
IlluZhion wrote:
EP4 PART 1 - The Power Outage

After a long night of partying and getting drunk, Fiery and co. decide to escape the city after 1 day of sleep deprivation.

Lemon: I’m strooooooooooonggg as an oooniiiiiiiii…
IlluZhion: Remiiiiiiiiiinds me of the tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime I plaaaaaaaayed Touuuuuuhouuuuu Proooooject and I had to fiiiiiiight Suiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaaaa…
Lemon: Ah, screeeew thaaaaaaat, let’s-
*Kissing*
Fiery: Bruh… What the fuck?
Cringeh: dhdshjhkjhwefhuefnsfhsfshfksak
???: Mind if you shut your mouth, bitch?
osc: Innit man this guy keeps on blabbering about what he did for his maths homework like my guy shut your mouth for 1 second
Fiery: oh crap why’s ralsei here man NAWWWWWW
Ralsei: Cry about it bitch
Fiery: I will turn your skin into a coat. Anyways, we really need to escape this place, our heads are on the line.
IlluZhion: Iiiiiiii’mma caaaaaaarryyyyyy Leeeeeeeeemoooooon, she’s toooooo druuuuuuuuuunk to go alooooooooone…
xrunner: Ain’t no way man, you’re also drunk as hell…
Ralsei: Honestly bro, these two are seriously weird…
IlluZhion: Noooooooooooooo weeeeeeeee’re noooooooot…
Fiery: Dude, you literally gave your own girlfriend 5 gallons of sake… Hey, stop tampering with my voice lines!
IlluZhion: Hahahahahahahahahaha, no waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan…
osc: are you having a stroke
Cringeh: AAAAAAAAAA
Zombies: We’ll be taking him.
Lemon: Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww- what?! WHO?! NO-ONE DID A THING!
Fiery: Oh good riddance, he’s a party pooper. Nobody cares about him that much anyway, just a nerd.
Popplio: At least he’s not a dog
Fiery: Kind of wish he was, then he wouldn’t be able to speak so much.
xrunner: Hey while you guys were chatting I got the secret Green Hill Zone level
IlluZhion: NOBODY CARES, CRINGEH COULD DIE!!! But to be fair, I did kind of hate him…
Lemon: Wait, was I drunk?! WHY AM I HALF-
osc: Put your hand up if you cared about him. See, nobody except you two care.
Fiery: you don’t have hands…
osc: that’s still a no for caring about him
IlluZhion: I didn’t even give two shits… So long as my Lemon is safe, I just acted like I cared lol
Fiery: what about Shifu and Hiku who are just standing at the door right there…
Lemon: WHO THE HELL ARE THEY?!
IlluZhion: One second, I need to talk to them…
Fiery: Sayonara, plot armor…STOP MESSING WITH MY VOICE LINES
osc: and you’re having another stroke…
IlluZhion: Just shut up Fiery, I need to chat with ‘em…
Hiku-chan: Hey IlluZhion-san~
Lemon: WHAT THE HELL?! WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO MY ILLUZHION LIKE THAT?!
Shifu: Oh, you don’t know? Uh, move along, cat girl, he’s my husband…
Lemon: WWWWWWWWWWWWW- WHAT?!
Fiery: ah crap lol more conflict…i swear man i’m going to commit manslaughter
osc: STOP HAVING A STROKE, JESUS CHRIST!
Lemon: HOW DARE YOU ATTEMPT TO SEDUCE MY ILLUZHION!!!
Hiku-chan: You sure you wanna fight me, feline?!
*Hiku-chan’s lost eye glows*
Lemon: WHAT THE HELL?! YOU ONLY HAVE ONE EYE!!!
Hiku-chan: And I have a power that bests your own. Leave my husband alone.
Lemon: Grrrrrrrrr…
Shifu: YOUR HUSBAND?! HE LOVES ME MORE!!!
Lemon: BOTH OF YOU ARE WRONG!!! HE LOVES ME THE MOST!!!
IlluZhion: Oh boy, more conflict…
Cosmo: Well at least try to stop your wives from fighting, dude…
Popplio: Why does polygamy always end this way…?

Ralsei: HUH?!
Popplio: Oh nevermind...
Ralsei: EXACTLY BITCH!!!
Fiery: Pssst guys, let’s just go without them, they will never stop at this pace.
Lemon: Fine, we’re going…
Hiku-chan: Keep your hands off him, both of you…
Shifu and Lemon: …
Fiery: So we going now? After 8 million years? Good, let’s go.

Back at home…

*VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
Hiku-chan: A power outage? What the hell is going on here?!
IlluZhion: Let’s go check the power…
Lemon: I’m going with you…
Fiery: Why are we checking the power instead of finding a way out of this labyrinth of buildings?
xrunner: Well IlluZhion’s plan does sound better, in all fairness…
Shifu: Why don’t we all go?

In the basement…

Hiku-chan: This place gives me trauma from somewhere…
Shifu: Don’t think about that…
Lemon: Well I’m going with IlluZhion, you simps better find someone else to leech onto…
Fiery: I’m not going inside here.
Nudge: Cry about it, we’re all going in.
Fiery: you know what i dont care about your opinion on it i’m not going inside i’m running away and probably encountering the zombies but i dont give a crap since its better than staying with you barnacles!
IlluZhion: Let’s just go…
Fiery: Jeez, you don’t have to be this stoic… OK FINE I’M GOING… I want to kill myself right now…
osc: Dude, it’s just a prank… Calm down…
Fiery: I mean going in this dark place. Did I ever tell you I had a fear of the dark? That’s why I had this lighter.
Dark: Am I a joke to you?
Fiery: yes in fact you are all you do in this story is be a fortnite fanboy go catch a victory royale or some shit
IlluZhion: Stop arguing, the lot of you… Let’s go…
Fiery: holy crap i’ve turned into what i want to destroy most…I HATE YOU SCRIPT WRITER! (i mean myself)

At the branching paths…

Hiku-chan: What the hell? How big is this place?
osc: By the looks of it, it’s so big you could make this place into a bunker…
Shifu: Better than the one me and Hiku were stuck in for hours… Wait, come to think of it that’s when we fell for IlluZhion…
IlluZhion: Let’s split into groups… Me, Hiku-chan, Shifu, Lemon and Fiery are going one way…
Nudge: Obviously you go with all the girls…
osc: Well Fiery’s a dude…
Nudge: I’m not blind…
IlluZhion: Nudge, osc and the others go the other way…
xrunner: I’mma go my own way… I can noclip my way in…
Fiery: No thank you…*runs out the door*
IlluZhion: Ok, both of you can go your way…
Lemon: Let’s get going then…
Hiku-chan: Don’t this remind you of somethin’? Like…
IlluZhion: The Catacombs? Nah, not really.
Shifu: Well of course, you ARE a vampire…
Lemon: Wait I just noticed something… You two aren’t vampires… You sure you’re married to IlluZhion?
Hiku-chan: Well the thing is… Both me and Shifu are phantoms…
Lemon: Uhhh…
Fiery in a muffled voice: Can you guys go on instead of having this chit chat?
Hiku-chan: Gah, fine…
Lemon: Welp, lookee here…
Hiku-chan: How on earth are we gonna get up THERE?!
Lemon: That’s the thing, me and IlluZhion are gonna go up there. You guys just look about below, ok?
Fiery in a muffled voice: How about you guys actually go back instead of having this shit?
IlluZhion: No goddamn way. This is my- correction, OUR city. We ain’t leavin’ till the very end…
Fiery in a muffled voice: Well, okay, see ya.
Shifu: What a coward…
Fiery: HEARD THAT! FINE IF YOU WANT ME DOWN THERE THEN FINE YOU PIECES OF SHIT.
Shifu: No, coward, you go cry about it…
Fiery: OK THAT’S IT…
*Fiery just runs off shouting “FUCK YOU DIPSHITS”*
Hiku-chan: What?
Lemon: Like we can’t hear that…
IlluZhion: Lemon, let’s just get going…
Lemon: Okie~

Meanwhile…

Nudge: Urrrgggh, just thinking about this place makes me irk…
Popplio: At least there aren’t any dogs h-
*WOOF WOOF*
Popplio: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!
Nudge: Oops, sorry, just my MP3 player sound effect 😛
Popplio: WHAT?!
osc: Stop it, both of you. Let’s get going…
K: I agree, we can’t afford to lose anyone else, like what happened with Cringeh…
Cosmo: Oh, like anyone cares about him! Let’s just move on…

Elsewhere…

xrunner: Whew, I’m almost there…
*BRAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNSSSS…*
xrunner: Fuck that, I’m go-
*He can’t noclip through the terrain*
xrunner: Ah bollocks…
Cringeh?: Urrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhh…
xrunner: WHAT THE FUCK?! CRINGEH?!
Huge Zombie: Reveeeeeeeeennnnnnnnggggggge… Geeeeeeettt reveeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnggggggge…
xrunner: Fuck this shit, I’m running away…
*One of the zombies bites xrunner*
xrunner: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!


Also elsewhere…


Fiery: Man I actually feel kind of bad…
*Clanking noises*
Nudge: WHAT?! DON’T TELL ME THE ZOMBIES FOUND US AS WELL!
*Ceiling burns away*
Fiery: WOAAAAHH! Dang it, should have known that this city was still in construction.
Dark: What the fuck are you doing here, Fiery? I thought you chickened out…
Fiery: I thought you were getting one of those bitch Victory Royales…
Dark: THE FUCK DID YOU SAY?!
Fiery: It’s not chicken to do something that is reasonable. But I guess I interrupted you having a victory royale, so yay.
Dark: Oh you are going to-
osc: Listen its not worth it

Back with IlluZhion…

Lemon: This is kinda cute… You, me, this complete darkness…
IlluZhion: Heh, ya think so?
Lemon: Just c’mere and-
*Kissing*
Hiku-chan: What the fuck? Are they kissing AGAIN?!
Shifu: Sounds like it… Let’s go, Hiku…
IlluZhion: Oh my gosh, you’re so-
*Kissing continues*
Script writer: Ok, can you actually stop?
IlluZhion: NO!
*Kissing*
Script writer: Honestly…
Shifu: Didn’t the script writer literally just tell them to stop? Ok, let’s roll…
xrunner?: BRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSS…
Hiku-chan: Lol, we can’t even get bitten…
Shifu: Oh yeah, this armor…
*They just walk through like nothing happened*

You got catfished. That implicates Shifu and Hiku not existing, being like the "incels" we talked about for so long. That implicates they could be a 63 year old man that actually framed all of us. And you still kissed them? Ew. I find that episode to be overly cringeh (welcome back !), I'm sorry but it was actually hard to read it, impossible to keep a straight face. I understand what you wanted to do, but nah, the execution was poor.
First off it's not even confirmed that Lemon likes you back. So basically you're writing fanfic episodes where you kiss someone that basically does not like you back. Imagine if I had a crush on Jey. I would not write episodes where we kiss, since he does not like me back ? That's so weird... Basically throughout the episode she's so protective of you and kisses you every 2 seconds... but in real life she may just see you as a friend ? Or maybe be irked at you ? You're always telling me "she got shy". She just didn't respond to those texts. Maybe she's disgusted by them, but as the polite person she is, she just avoid the discussion.
So maybe Lemon is irked at you and you're still kissing throughout the episode.
That brings us to the character of Lemon as a whole. I find her to be so fake and unrealistic every time YOU are writing. You're always making Lemon so protective over you, saying she loves you, clearly having a crush over you, being brutal for you, a badass girl and an edgelord... in real life she's a polite girl who speaks Japanese and responds to anything in the nicest way possible. It's like if one fanfic made my overall character a misogynistic person... it's not because it's what you would like the person to be, that you have to change the person. Enhancing some traits to make the character more interesting is okay, but at this point it is hardly Lemon.
That brings us to the very usage of Hiku and Shifu in this fanfic. They are non-existent. They are the incels all along. So why does Shifu says out of nowhere "he's my husband" ??? Bro you're talking about PDC_Cosmo, duragjamal, etc. Do you want to be their husband ? Ew. No. Even if it's all fictional, seeing it as someone who knows the story is disturbing. And it's cringe. Marriage implicated in a fanfic that is addressed towards young kids ? I was 9 when I entered this, if I saw that at 9...
I'm sorry, it's just too mushy. Sometimes it's incredible how the theming of the zombies has became secondary. Like... Cringeh's getting kidnapped? OK, you all hate him, but the little amount of emphasis put about it is incredibly low. You focus more on kissing Lemon and in the annoying love square track between Hiku, Shifu, Lemon and you. It is the primary element of this episode. Cringeh has been kidnapped and nobody cares. Everything that matters is lovey lovey lovey dovey dovey dovey...
I'm sorry. It's just too cringe to my taste.

Nice essay. Submit this as an essay assignment to your teacher
Messages 10540 - King Mario King Mario
vs35265 pts ★ Legend
battle6102 pts ★ Racer
France
ItzD4rk wrote:
Killulely wrote:
Spoiler [ShowHide]
IlluZhion wrote:
EP4 PART 1 - The Power Outage

After a long night of partying and getting drunk, Fiery and co. decide to escape the city after 1 day of sleep deprivation.

Lemon: I’m strooooooooooonggg as an oooniiiiiiiii…
IlluZhion: Remiiiiiiiiiinds me of the tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime I plaaaaaaaayed Touuuuuuhouuuuu Proooooject and I had to fiiiiiiight Suiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaaaa…
Lemon: Ah, screeeew thaaaaaaat, let’s-
*Kissing*
Fiery: Bruh… What the fuck?
Cringeh: dhdshjhkjhwefhuefnsfhsfshfksak
???: Mind if you shut your mouth, bitch?
osc: Innit man this guy keeps on blabbering about what he did for his maths homework like my guy shut your mouth for 1 second
Fiery: oh crap why’s ralsei here man NAWWWWWW
Ralsei: Cry about it bitch
Fiery: I will turn your skin into a coat. Anyways, we really need to escape this place, our heads are on the line.
IlluZhion: Iiiiiiii’mma caaaaaaarryyyyyy Leeeeeeeeemoooooon, she’s toooooo druuuuuuuuuunk to go alooooooooone…
xrunner: Ain’t no way man, you’re also drunk as hell…
Ralsei: Honestly bro, these two are seriously weird…
IlluZhion: Noooooooooooooo weeeeeeeee’re noooooooot…
Fiery: Dude, you literally gave your own girlfriend 5 gallons of sake… Hey, stop tampering with my voice lines!
IlluZhion: Hahahahahahahahahaha, no waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan…
osc: are you having a stroke
Cringeh: AAAAAAAAAA
Zombies: We’ll be taking him.
Lemon: Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww- what?! WHO?! NO-ONE DID A THING!
Fiery: Oh good riddance, he’s a party pooper. Nobody cares about him that much anyway, just a nerd.
Popplio: At least he’s not a dog
Fiery: Kind of wish he was, then he wouldn’t be able to speak so much.
xrunner: Hey while you guys were chatting I got the secret Green Hill Zone level
IlluZhion: NOBODY CARES, CRINGEH COULD DIE!!! But to be fair, I did kind of hate him…
Lemon: Wait, was I drunk?! WHY AM I HALF-
osc: Put your hand up if you cared about him. See, nobody except you two care.
Fiery: you don’t have hands…
osc: that’s still a no for caring about him
IlluZhion: I didn’t even give two shits… So long as my Lemon is safe, I just acted like I cared lol
Fiery: what about Shifu and Hiku who are just standing at the door right there…
Lemon: WHO THE HELL ARE THEY?!
IlluZhion: One second, I need to talk to them…
Fiery: Sayonara, plot armor…STOP MESSING WITH MY VOICE LINES
osc: and you’re having another stroke…
IlluZhion: Just shut up Fiery, I need to chat with ‘em…
Hiku-chan: Hey IlluZhion-san~
Lemon: WHAT THE HELL?! WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO MY ILLUZHION LIKE THAT?!
Shifu: Oh, you don’t know? Uh, move along, cat girl, he’s my husband…
Lemon: WWWWWWWWWWWWW- WHAT?!
Fiery: ah crap lol more conflict…i swear man i’m going to commit manslaughter
osc: STOP HAVING A STROKE, JESUS CHRIST!
Lemon: HOW DARE YOU ATTEMPT TO SEDUCE MY ILLUZHION!!!
Hiku-chan: You sure you wanna fight me, feline?!
*Hiku-chan’s lost eye glows*
Lemon: WHAT THE HELL?! YOU ONLY HAVE ONE EYE!!!
Hiku-chan: And I have a power that bests your own. Leave my husband alone.
Lemon: Grrrrrrrrr…
Shifu: YOUR HUSBAND?! HE LOVES ME MORE!!!
Lemon: BOTH OF YOU ARE WRONG!!! HE LOVES ME THE MOST!!!
IlluZhion: Oh boy, more conflict…
Cosmo: Well at least try to stop your wives from fighting, dude…
Popplio: Why does polygamy always end this way…?

Ralsei: HUH?!
Popplio: Oh nevermind...
Ralsei: EXACTLY BITCH!!!
Fiery: Pssst guys, let’s just go without them, they will never stop at this pace.
Lemon: Fine, we’re going…
Hiku-chan: Keep your hands off him, both of you…
Shifu and Lemon: …
Fiery: So we going now? After 8 million years? Good, let’s go.

Back at home…

*VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
Hiku-chan: A power outage? What the hell is going on here?!
IlluZhion: Let’s go check the power…
Lemon: I’m going with you…
Fiery: Why are we checking the power instead of finding a way out of this labyrinth of buildings?
xrunner: Well IlluZhion’s plan does sound better, in all fairness…
Shifu: Why don’t we all go?

In the basement…

Hiku-chan: This place gives me trauma from somewhere…
Shifu: Don’t think about that…
Lemon: Well I’m going with IlluZhion, you simps better find someone else to leech onto…
Fiery: I’m not going inside here.
Nudge: Cry about it, we’re all going in.
Fiery: you know what i dont care about your opinion on it i’m not going inside i’m running away and probably encountering the zombies but i dont give a crap since its better than staying with you barnacles!
IlluZhion: Let’s just go…
Fiery: Jeez, you don’t have to be this stoic… OK FINE I’M GOING… I want to kill myself right now…
osc: Dude, it’s just a prank… Calm down…
Fiery: I mean going in this dark place. Did I ever tell you I had a fear of the dark? That’s why I had this lighter.
Dark: Am I a joke to you?
Fiery: yes in fact you are all you do in this story is be a fortnite fanboy go catch a victory royale or some shit
IlluZhion: Stop arguing, the lot of you… Let’s go…
Fiery: holy crap i’ve turned into what i want to destroy most…I HATE YOU SCRIPT WRITER! (i mean myself)

At the branching paths…

Hiku-chan: What the hell? How big is this place?
osc: By the looks of it, it’s so big you could make this place into a bunker…
Shifu: Better than the one me and Hiku were stuck in for hours… Wait, come to think of it that’s when we fell for IlluZhion…
IlluZhion: Let’s split into groups… Me, Hiku-chan, Shifu, Lemon and Fiery are going one way…
Nudge: Obviously you go with all the girls…
osc: Well Fiery’s a dude…
Nudge: I’m not blind…
IlluZhion: Nudge, osc and the others go the other way…
xrunner: I’mma go my own way… I can noclip my way in…
Fiery: No thank you…*runs out the door*
IlluZhion: Ok, both of you can go your way…
Lemon: Let’s get going then…
Hiku-chan: Don’t this remind you of somethin’? Like…
IlluZhion: The Catacombs? Nah, not really.
Shifu: Well of course, you ARE a vampire…
Lemon: Wait I just noticed something… You two aren’t vampires… You sure you’re married to IlluZhion?
Hiku-chan: Well the thing is… Both me and Shifu are phantoms…
Lemon: Uhhh…
Fiery in a muffled voice: Can you guys go on instead of having this chit chat?
Hiku-chan: Gah, fine…
Lemon: Welp, lookee here…
Hiku-chan: How on earth are we gonna get up THERE?!
Lemon: That’s the thing, me and IlluZhion are gonna go up there. You guys just look about below, ok?
Fiery in a muffled voice: How about you guys actually go back instead of having this shit?
IlluZhion: No goddamn way. This is my- correction, OUR city. We ain’t leavin’ till the very end…
Fiery in a muffled voice: Well, okay, see ya.
Shifu: What a coward…
Fiery: HEARD THAT! FINE IF YOU WANT ME DOWN THERE THEN FINE YOU PIECES OF SHIT.
Shifu: No, coward, you go cry about it…
Fiery: OK THAT’S IT…
*Fiery just runs off shouting “FUCK YOU DIPSHITS”*
Hiku-chan: What?
Lemon: Like we can’t hear that…
IlluZhion: Lemon, let’s just get going…
Lemon: Okie~

Meanwhile…

Nudge: Urrrgggh, just thinking about this place makes me irk…
Popplio: At least there aren’t any dogs h-
*WOOF WOOF*
Popplio: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!
Nudge: Oops, sorry, just my MP3 player sound effect 😛
Popplio: WHAT?!
osc: Stop it, both of you. Let’s get going…
K: I agree, we can’t afford to lose anyone else, like what happened with Cringeh…
Cosmo: Oh, like anyone cares about him! Let’s just move on…

Elsewhere…

xrunner: Whew, I’m almost there…
*BRAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNSSSS…*
xrunner: Fuck that, I’m go-
*He can’t noclip through the terrain*
xrunner: Ah bollocks…
Cringeh?: Urrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhh…
xrunner: WHAT THE FUCK?! CRINGEH?!
Huge Zombie: Reveeeeeeeeennnnnnnnggggggge… Geeeeeeettt reveeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnggggggge…
xrunner: Fuck this shit, I’m running away…
*One of the zombies bites xrunner*
xrunner: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!


Also elsewhere…


Fiery: Man I actually feel kind of bad…
*Clanking noises*
Nudge: WHAT?! DON’T TELL ME THE ZOMBIES FOUND US AS WELL!
*Ceiling burns away*
Fiery: WOAAAAHH! Dang it, should have known that this city was still in construction.
Dark: What the fuck are you doing here, Fiery? I thought you chickened out…
Fiery: I thought you were getting one of those bitch Victory Royales…
Dark: THE FUCK DID YOU SAY?!
Fiery: It’s not chicken to do something that is reasonable. But I guess I interrupted you having a victory royale, so yay.
Dark: Oh you are going to-
osc: Listen its not worth it

Back with IlluZhion…

Lemon: This is kinda cute… You, me, this complete darkness…
IlluZhion: Heh, ya think so?
Lemon: Just c’mere and-
*Kissing*
Hiku-chan: What the fuck? Are they kissing AGAIN?!
Shifu: Sounds like it… Let’s go, Hiku…
IlluZhion: Oh my gosh, you’re so-
*Kissing continues*
Script writer: Ok, can you actually stop?
IlluZhion: NO!
*Kissing*
Script writer: Honestly…
Shifu: Didn’t the script writer literally just tell them to stop? Ok, let’s roll…
xrunner?: BRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSS…
Hiku-chan: Lol, we can’t even get bitten…
Shifu: Oh yeah, this armor…
*They just walk through like nothing happened*

You got catfished. That implicates Shifu and Hiku not existing, being like the "incels" we talked about for so long. That implicates they could be a 63 year old man that actually framed all of us. And you still kissed them? Ew. I find that episode to be overly cringeh (welcome back !), I'm sorry but it was actually hard to read it, impossible to keep a straight face. I understand what you wanted to do, but nah, the execution was poor.
First off it's not even confirmed that Lemon likes you back. So basically you're writing fanfic episodes where you kiss someone that basically does not like you back. Imagine if I had a crush on Jey. I would not write episodes where we kiss, since he does not like me back ? That's so weird... Basically throughout the episode she's so protective of you and kisses you every 2 seconds... but in real life she may just see you as a friend ? Or maybe be irked at you ? You're always telling me "she got shy". She just didn't respond to those texts. Maybe she's disgusted by them, but as the polite person she is, she just avoid the discussion.
So maybe Lemon is irked at you and you're still kissing throughout the episode.
That brings us to the character of Lemon as a whole. I find her to be so fake and unrealistic every time YOU are writing. You're always making Lemon so protective over you, saying she loves you, clearly having a crush over you, being brutal for you, a badass girl and an edgelord... in real life she's a polite girl who speaks Japanese and responds to anything in the nicest way possible. It's like if one fanfic made my overall character a misogynistic person... it's not because it's what you would like the person to be, that you have to change the person. Enhancing some traits to make the character more interesting is okay, but at this point it is hardly Lemon.
That brings us to the very usage of Hiku and Shifu in this fanfic. They are non-existent. They are the incels all along. So why does Shifu says out of nowhere "he's my husband" ??? Bro you're talking about PDC_Cosmo, duragjamal, etc. Do you want to be their husband ? Ew. No. Even if it's all fictional, seeing it as someone who knows the story is disturbing. And it's cringe. Marriage implicated in a fanfic that is addressed towards young kids ? I was 9 when I entered this, if I saw that at 9...
I'm sorry, it's just too mushy. Sometimes it's incredible how the theming of the zombies has became secondary. Like... Cringeh's getting kidnapped? OK, you all hate him, but the little amount of emphasis put about it is incredibly low. You focus more on kissing Lemon and in the annoying love square track between Hiku, Shifu, Lemon and you. It is the primary element of this episode. Cringeh has been kidnapped and nobody cares. Everything that matters is lovey lovey lovey dovey dovey dovey...
I'm sorry. It's just too cringe to my taste.

Nice essay. Submit this as an essay assignment to your teacher

Yeah, sorry if it sounded like...
Uh...
"Na...gging", as someone said. I just thought this episode was very cringe and I wanted to detail a lot as to why, since constructive criticism is way better than just saying "this is good/bad" and leave the room after that. Because ti actually helps the person improve, instead of just saying there's a problem, without specifying what's the problem in the first place, but also how to fix it.
Messages 1780 - Golden Mario Golden Mario
vs11652 pts ★ Champion
battle6099 pts ★ Racer
Ireland
Killulely wrote:
Spoiler [ShowHide]
IlluZhion wrote:
EP4 PART 1 - The Power Outage

After a long night of partying and getting drunk, Fiery and co. decide to escape the city after 1 day of sleep deprivation.

Lemon: I’m strooooooooooonggg as an oooniiiiiiiii…
IlluZhion: Remiiiiiiiiiinds me of the tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime I plaaaaaaaayed Touuuuuuhouuuuu Proooooject and I had to fiiiiiiight Suiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaaaa…
Lemon: Ah, screeeew thaaaaaaat, let’s-
*Kissing*
Fiery: Bruh… What the fuck?
Cringeh: dhdshjhkjhwefhuefnsfhsfshfksak
???: Mind if you shut your mouth, bitch?
osc: Innit man this guy keeps on blabbering about what he did for his maths homework like my guy shut your mouth for 1 second
Fiery: oh crap why’s ralsei here man NAWWWWWW
Ralsei: Cry about it bitch
Fiery: I will turn your skin into a coat. Anyways, we really need to escape this place, our heads are on the line.
IlluZhion: Iiiiiiii’mma caaaaaaarryyyyyy Leeeeeeeeemoooooon, she’s toooooo druuuuuuuuuunk to go alooooooooone…
xrunner: Ain’t no way man, you’re also drunk as hell…
Ralsei: Honestly bro, these two are seriously weird…
IlluZhion: Noooooooooooooo weeeeeeeee’re noooooooot…
Fiery: Dude, you literally gave your own girlfriend 5 gallons of sake… Hey, stop tampering with my voice lines!
IlluZhion: Hahahahahahahahahaha, no waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan…
osc: are you having a stroke
Cringeh: AAAAAAAAAA
Zombies: We’ll be taking him.
Lemon: Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww- what?! WHO?! NO-ONE DID A THING!
Fiery: Oh good riddance, he’s a party pooper. Nobody cares about him that much anyway, just a nerd.
Popplio: At least he’s not a dog
Fiery: Kind of wish he was, then he wouldn’t be able to speak so much.
xrunner: Hey while you guys were chatting I got the secret Green Hill Zone level
IlluZhion: NOBODY CARES, CRINGEH COULD DIE!!! But to be fair, I did kind of hate him…
Lemon: Wait, was I drunk?! WHY AM I HALF-
osc: Put your hand up if you cared about him. See, nobody except you two care.
Fiery: you don’t have hands…
osc: that’s still a no for caring about him
IlluZhion: I didn’t even give two shits… So long as my Lemon is safe, I just acted like I cared lol
Fiery: what about Shifu and Hiku who are just standing at the door right there…
Lemon: WHO THE HELL ARE THEY?!
IlluZhion: One second, I need to talk to them…
Fiery: Sayonara, plot armor…STOP MESSING WITH MY VOICE LINES
osc: and you’re having another stroke…
IlluZhion: Just shut up Fiery, I need to chat with ‘em…
Hiku-chan: Hey IlluZhion-san~
Lemon: WHAT THE HELL?! WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO MY ILLUZHION LIKE THAT?!
Shifu: Oh, you don’t know? Uh, move along, cat girl, he’s my husband…
Lemon: WWWWWWWWWWWWW- WHAT?!
Fiery: ah crap lol more conflict…i swear man i’m going to commit manslaughter
osc: STOP HAVING A STROKE, JESUS CHRIST!
Lemon: HOW DARE YOU ATTEMPT TO SEDUCE MY ILLUZHION!!!
Hiku-chan: You sure you wanna fight me, feline?!
*Hiku-chan’s lost eye glows*
Lemon: WHAT THE HELL?! YOU ONLY HAVE ONE EYE!!!
Hiku-chan: And I have a power that bests your own. Leave my husband alone.
Lemon: Grrrrrrrrr…
Shifu: YOUR HUSBAND?! HE LOVES ME MORE!!!
Lemon: BOTH OF YOU ARE WRONG!!! HE LOVES ME THE MOST!!!
IlluZhion: Oh boy, more conflict…
Cosmo: Well at least try to stop your wives from fighting, dude…
Popplio: Why does polygamy always end this way…?

Ralsei: HUH?!
Popplio: Oh nevermind...
Ralsei: EXACTLY BITCH!!!
Fiery: Pssst guys, let’s just go without them, they will never stop at this pace.
Lemon: Fine, we’re going…
Hiku-chan: Keep your hands off him, both of you…
Shifu and Lemon: …
Fiery: So we going now? After 8 million years? Good, let’s go.

Back at home…

*VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
Hiku-chan: A power outage? What the hell is going on here?!
IlluZhion: Let’s go check the power…
Lemon: I’m going with you…
Fiery: Why are we checking the power instead of finding a way out of this labyrinth of buildings?
xrunner: Well IlluZhion’s plan does sound better, in all fairness…
Shifu: Why don’t we all go?

In the basement…

Hiku-chan: This place gives me trauma from somewhere…
Shifu: Don’t think about that…
Lemon: Well I’m going with IlluZhion, you simps better find someone else to leech onto…
Fiery: I’m not going inside here.
Nudge: Cry about it, we’re all going in.
Fiery: you know what i dont care about your opinion on it i’m not going inside i’m running away and probably encountering the zombies but i dont give a crap since its better than staying with you barnacles!
IlluZhion: Let’s just go…
Fiery: Jeez, you don’t have to be this stoic… OK FINE I’M GOING… I want to kill myself right now…
osc: Dude, it’s just a prank… Calm down…
Fiery: I mean going in this dark place. Did I ever tell you I had a fear of the dark? That’s why I had this lighter.
Dark: Am I a joke to you?
Fiery: yes in fact you are all you do in this story is be a fortnite fanboy go catch a victory royale or some shit
IlluZhion: Stop arguing, the lot of you… Let’s go…
Fiery: holy crap i’ve turned into what i want to destroy most…I HATE YOU SCRIPT WRITER! (i mean myself)

At the branching paths…

Hiku-chan: What the hell? How big is this place?
osc: By the looks of it, it’s so big you could make this place into a bunker…
Shifu: Better than the one me and Hiku were stuck in for hours… Wait, come to think of it that’s when we fell for IlluZhion…
IlluZhion: Let’s split into groups… Me, Hiku-chan, Shifu, Lemon and Fiery are going one way…
Nudge: Obviously you go with all the girls…
osc: Well Fiery’s a dude…
Nudge: I’m not blind…
IlluZhion: Nudge, osc and the others go the other way…
xrunner: I’mma go my own way… I can noclip my way in…
Fiery: No thank you…*runs out the door*
IlluZhion: Ok, both of you can go your way…
Lemon: Let’s get going then…
Hiku-chan: Don’t this remind you of somethin’? Like…
IlluZhion: The Catacombs? Nah, not really.
Shifu: Well of course, you ARE a vampire…
Lemon: Wait I just noticed something… You two aren’t vampires… You sure you’re married to IlluZhion?
Hiku-chan: Well the thing is… Both me and Shifu are phantoms…
Lemon: Uhhh…
Fiery in a muffled voice: Can you guys go on instead of having this chit chat?
Hiku-chan: Gah, fine…
Lemon: Welp, lookee here…
Hiku-chan: How on earth are we gonna get up THERE?!
Lemon: That’s the thing, me and IlluZhion are gonna go up there. You guys just look about below, ok?
Fiery in a muffled voice: How about you guys actually go back instead of having this shit?
IlluZhion: No goddamn way. This is my- correction, OUR city. We ain’t leavin’ till the very end…
Fiery in a muffled voice: Well, okay, see ya.
Shifu: What a coward…
Fiery: HEARD THAT! FINE IF YOU WANT ME DOWN THERE THEN FINE YOU PIECES OF SHIT.
Shifu: No, coward, you go cry about it…
Fiery: OK THAT’S IT…
*Fiery just runs off shouting “FUCK YOU DIPSHITS”*
Hiku-chan: What?
Lemon: Like we can’t hear that…
IlluZhion: Lemon, let’s just get going…
Lemon: Okie~

Meanwhile…

Nudge: Urrrgggh, just thinking about this place makes me irk…
Popplio: At least there aren’t any dogs h-
*WOOF WOOF*
Popplio: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!
Nudge: Oops, sorry, just my MP3 player sound effect 😛
Popplio: WHAT?!
osc: Stop it, both of you. Let’s get going…
K: I agree, we can’t afford to lose anyone else, like what happened with Cringeh…
Cosmo: Oh, like anyone cares about him! Let’s just move on…

Elsewhere…

xrunner: Whew, I’m almost there…
*BRAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNSSSS…*
xrunner: Fuck that, I’m go-
*He can’t noclip through the terrain*
xrunner: Ah bollocks…
Cringeh?: Urrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhh…
xrunner: WHAT THE FUCK?! CRINGEH?!
Huge Zombie: Reveeeeeeeeennnnnnnnggggggge… Geeeeeeettt reveeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnggggggge…
xrunner: Fuck this shit, I’m running away…
*One of the zombies bites xrunner*
xrunner: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!


Also elsewhere…


Fiery: Man I actually feel kind of bad…
*Clanking noises*
Nudge: WHAT?! DON’T TELL ME THE ZOMBIES FOUND US AS WELL!
*Ceiling burns away*
Fiery: WOAAAAHH! Dang it, should have known that this city was still in construction.
Dark: What the fuck are you doing here, Fiery? I thought you chickened out…
Fiery: I thought you were getting one of those bitch Victory Royales…
Dark: THE FUCK DID YOU SAY?!
Fiery: It’s not chicken to do something that is reasonable. But I guess I interrupted you having a victory royale, so yay.
Dark: Oh you are going to-
osc: Listen its not worth it

Back with IlluZhion…

Lemon: This is kinda cute… You, me, this complete darkness…
IlluZhion: Heh, ya think so?
Lemon: Just c’mere and-
*Kissing*
Hiku-chan: What the fuck? Are they kissing AGAIN?!
Shifu: Sounds like it… Let’s go, Hiku…
IlluZhion: Oh my gosh, you’re so-
*Kissing continues*
Script writer: Ok, can you actually stop?
IlluZhion: NO!
*Kissing*
Script writer: Honestly…
Shifu: Didn’t the script writer literally just tell them to stop? Ok, let’s roll…
xrunner?: BRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSS…
Hiku-chan: Lol, we can’t even get bitten…
Shifu: Oh yeah, this armor…
*They just walk through like nothing happened*

You got catfished. That implicates Shifu and Hiku not existing, being like the "incels" we talked about for so long. That implicates they could be a 63 year old man that actually framed all of us. And you still kissed them? Ew. I find that episode to be overly cringeh (welcome back !), I'm sorry but it was actually hard to read it, impossible to keep a straight face. I understand what you wanted to do, but nah, the execution was poor.
First off it's not even confirmed that Lemon likes you back. So basically you're writing fanfic episodes where you kiss someone that basically does not like you back. Imagine if I had a crush on Jey. I would not write episodes where we kiss, since he does not like me back ? That's so weird... Basically throughout the episode she's so protective of you and kisses you every 2 seconds... but in real life she may just see you as a friend ? Or maybe be irked at you ? You're always telling me "she got shy". She just didn't respond to those texts. Maybe she's disgusted by them, but as the polite person she is, she just avoid the discussion.
So maybe Lemon is irked at you and you're still kissing throughout the episode.
That brings us to the character of Lemon as a whole. I find her to be so fake and unrealistic every time YOU are writing. You're always making Lemon so protective over you, saying she loves you, clearly having a crush over you, being brutal for you, a badass girl and an edgelord... in real life she's a polite girl who speaks Japanese and responds to anything in the nicest way possible. It's like if one fanfic made my overall character a misogynistic person... it's not because it's what you would like the person to be, that you have to change the person. Enhancing some traits to make the character more interesting is okay, but at this point it is hardly Lemon.
That brings us to the very usage of Hiku and Shifu in this fanfic. They are non-existent. They are the incels all along. So why does Shifu says out of nowhere "he's my husband" ??? Bro you're talking about PDC_Cosmo, duragjamal, etc. Do you want to be their husband ? Ew. No. Even if it's all fictional, seeing it as someone who knows the story is disturbing. And it's cringe. Marriage implicated in a fanfic that is addressed towards young kids ? I was 9 when I entered this, if I saw that at 9...
I'm sorry, it's just too mushy. Sometimes it's incredible how the theming of the zombies has became secondary. Like... Cringeh's getting kidnapped? OK, you all hate him, but the little amount of emphasis put about it is incredibly low. You focus more on kissing Lemon and in the annoying love square track between Hiku, Shifu, Lemon and you. It is the primary element of this episode. Cringeh has been kidnapped and nobody cares. Everything that matters is lovey lovey lovey dovey dovey dovey...
I'm sorry. It's just too cringe to my taste.

Dude, the guy literally just confessed to killing both of them...
And as for Lemon... I still have no idea why I just make her like this... I agree, it's unrealistic
Messages 943 - Mario Mario
vs20427 pts ★ Legend
battle11632 pts ★ Champion
France
Title says all. Zombie survival fanfiction! Need personality, color, species, abilities and Name. ;)
People in:
Fiery
MisterCringeh
Dark
Popplio
Illuzhion
xrunner48
Nudge
Noob
Dietsoda
Jey
Ssg-132
Cosmo

Je peux y rentrer?
Messages 10540 - King Mario King Mario
vs35265 pts ★ Legend
battle6102 pts ★ Racer
France
Again, why are people giving free facepalms ? Nobody facepalmed Pianta or Dietsoda when they asked to join my fanfic.
sweat1
Messages 3133 - King Mario King Mario
vs13554 pts ★ Champion
battle5368 pts ★ Novice
United Kingdom
Killulely wrote:
Again, why are people giving free facepalms ? Nobody facepalmed Pianta or Dietsoda when they asked to join my fanfic.

Oh that’s what they said? Oops mistranslation…
ok_hand1
Messages 5313 - King Mario King Mario
vs46435 pts ★ Titan
battle6798 pts ★ Racer
United Kingdom
Killulely wrote:
Again, why are people giving free facepalms ? Nobody facepalmed Pianta or Dietsoda when they asked to join my fanfic.

Oh that’s what they said? Oops mistranslation…

I was just facepalming because i saw ther people facepalming
mario_dead2
Messages 10540 - King Mario King Mario
vs35265 pts ★ Legend
battle6102 pts ★ Racer
France
IlluZhion wrote:
Killulely wrote:
Spoiler [ShowHide]
IlluZhion wrote:
EP4 PART 1 - The Power Outage

After a long night of partying and getting drunk, Fiery and co. decide to escape the city after 1 day of sleep deprivation.

Lemon: I’m strooooooooooonggg as an oooniiiiiiiii…
IlluZhion: Remiiiiiiiiiinds me of the tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime I plaaaaaaaayed Touuuuuuhouuuuu Proooooject and I had to fiiiiiiight Suiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaaaa…
Lemon: Ah, screeeew thaaaaaaat, let’s-
*Kissing*
Fiery: Bruh… What the fuck?
Cringeh: dhdshjhkjhwefhuefnsfhsfshfksak
???: Mind if you shut your mouth, bitch?
osc: Innit man this guy keeps on blabbering about what he did for his maths homework like my guy shut your mouth for 1 second
Fiery: oh crap why’s ralsei here man NAWWWWWW
Ralsei: Cry about it bitch
Fiery: I will turn your skin into a coat. Anyways, we really need to escape this place, our heads are on the line.
IlluZhion: Iiiiiiii’mma caaaaaaarryyyyyy Leeeeeeeeemoooooon, she’s toooooo druuuuuuuuuunk to go alooooooooone…
xrunner: Ain’t no way man, you’re also drunk as hell…
Ralsei: Honestly bro, these two are seriously weird…
IlluZhion: Noooooooooooooo weeeeeeeee’re noooooooot…
Fiery: Dude, you literally gave your own girlfriend 5 gallons of sake… Hey, stop tampering with my voice lines!
IlluZhion: Hahahahahahahahahaha, no waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan…
osc: are you having a stroke
Cringeh: AAAAAAAAAA
Zombies: We’ll be taking him.
Lemon: Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww- what?! WHO?! NO-ONE DID A THING!
Fiery: Oh good riddance, he’s a party pooper. Nobody cares about him that much anyway, just a nerd.
Popplio: At least he’s not a dog
Fiery: Kind of wish he was, then he wouldn’t be able to speak so much.
xrunner: Hey while you guys were chatting I got the secret Green Hill Zone level
IlluZhion: NOBODY CARES, CRINGEH COULD DIE!!! But to be fair, I did kind of hate him…
Lemon: Wait, was I drunk?! WHY AM I HALF-
osc: Put your hand up if you cared about him. See, nobody except you two care.
Fiery: you don’t have hands…
osc: that’s still a no for caring about him
IlluZhion: I didn’t even give two shits… So long as my Lemon is safe, I just acted like I cared lol
Fiery: what about Shifu and Hiku who are just standing at the door right there…
Lemon: WHO THE HELL ARE THEY?!
IlluZhion: One second, I need to talk to them…
Fiery: Sayonara, plot armor…STOP MESSING WITH MY VOICE LINES
osc: and you’re having another stroke…
IlluZhion: Just shut up Fiery, I need to chat with ‘em…
Hiku-chan: Hey IlluZhion-san~
Lemon: WHAT THE HELL?! WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO MY ILLUZHION LIKE THAT?!
Shifu: Oh, you don’t know? Uh, move along, cat girl, he’s my husband…
Lemon: WWWWWWWWWWWWW- WHAT?!
Fiery: ah crap lol more conflict…i swear man i’m going to commit manslaughter
osc: STOP HAVING A STROKE, JESUS CHRIST!
Lemon: HOW DARE YOU ATTEMPT TO SEDUCE MY ILLUZHION!!!
Hiku-chan: You sure you wanna fight me, feline?!
*Hiku-chan’s lost eye glows*
Lemon: WHAT THE HELL?! YOU ONLY HAVE ONE EYE!!!
Hiku-chan: And I have a power that bests your own. Leave my husband alone.
Lemon: Grrrrrrrrr…
Shifu: YOUR HUSBAND?! HE LOVES ME MORE!!!
Lemon: BOTH OF YOU ARE WRONG!!! HE LOVES ME THE MOST!!!
IlluZhion: Oh boy, more conflict…
Cosmo: Well at least try to stop your wives from fighting, dude…
Popplio: Why does polygamy always end this way…?

Ralsei: HUH?!
Popplio: Oh nevermind...
Ralsei: EXACTLY BITCH!!!
Fiery: Pssst guys, let’s just go without them, they will never stop at this pace.
Lemon: Fine, we’re going…
Hiku-chan: Keep your hands off him, both of you…
Shifu and Lemon: …
Fiery: So we going now? After 8 million years? Good, let’s go.

Back at home…

*VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
Hiku-chan: A power outage? What the hell is going on here?!
IlluZhion: Let’s go check the power…
Lemon: I’m going with you…
Fiery: Why are we checking the power instead of finding a way out of this labyrinth of buildings?
xrunner: Well IlluZhion’s plan does sound better, in all fairness…
Shifu: Why don’t we all go?

In the basement…

Hiku-chan: This place gives me trauma from somewhere…
Shifu: Don’t think about that…
Lemon: Well I’m going with IlluZhion, you simps better find someone else to leech onto…
Fiery: I’m not going inside here.
Nudge: Cry about it, we’re all going in.
Fiery: you know what i dont care about your opinion on it i’m not going inside i’m running away and probably encountering the zombies but i dont give a crap since its better than staying with you barnacles!
IlluZhion: Let’s just go…
Fiery: Jeez, you don’t have to be this stoic… OK FINE I’M GOING… I want to kill myself right now…
osc: Dude, it’s just a prank… Calm down…
Fiery: I mean going in this dark place. Did I ever tell you I had a fear of the dark? That’s why I had this lighter.
Dark: Am I a joke to you?
Fiery: yes in fact you are all you do in this story is be a fortnite fanboy go catch a victory royale or some shit
IlluZhion: Stop arguing, the lot of you… Let’s go…
Fiery: holy crap i’ve turned into what i want to destroy most…I HATE YOU SCRIPT WRITER! (i mean myself)

At the branching paths…

Hiku-chan: What the hell? How big is this place?
osc: By the looks of it, it’s so big you could make this place into a bunker…
Shifu: Better than the one me and Hiku were stuck in for hours… Wait, come to think of it that’s when we fell for IlluZhion…
IlluZhion: Let’s split into groups… Me, Hiku-chan, Shifu, Lemon and Fiery are going one way…
Nudge: Obviously you go with all the girls…
osc: Well Fiery’s a dude…
Nudge: I’m not blind…
IlluZhion: Nudge, osc and the others go the other way…
xrunner: I’mma go my own way… I can noclip my way in…
Fiery: No thank you…*runs out the door*
IlluZhion: Ok, both of you can go your way…
Lemon: Let’s get going then…
Hiku-chan: Don’t this remind you of somethin’? Like…
IlluZhion: The Catacombs? Nah, not really.
Shifu: Well of course, you ARE a vampire…
Lemon: Wait I just noticed something… You two aren’t vampires… You sure you’re married to IlluZhion?
Hiku-chan: Well the thing is… Both me and Shifu are phantoms…
Lemon: Uhhh…
Fiery in a muffled voice: Can you guys go on instead of having this chit chat?
Hiku-chan: Gah, fine…
Lemon: Welp, lookee here…
Hiku-chan: How on earth are we gonna get up THERE?!
Lemon: That’s the thing, me and IlluZhion are gonna go up there. You guys just look about below, ok?
Fiery in a muffled voice: How about you guys actually go back instead of having this shit?
IlluZhion: No goddamn way. This is my- correction, OUR city. We ain’t leavin’ till the very end…
Fiery in a muffled voice: Well, okay, see ya.
Shifu: What a coward…
Fiery: HEARD THAT! FINE IF YOU WANT ME DOWN THERE THEN FINE YOU PIECES OF SHIT.
Shifu: No, coward, you go cry about it…
Fiery: OK THAT’S IT…
*Fiery just runs off shouting “FUCK YOU DIPSHITS”*
Hiku-chan: What?
Lemon: Like we can’t hear that…
IlluZhion: Lemon, let’s just get going…
Lemon: Okie~

Meanwhile…

Nudge: Urrrgggh, just thinking about this place makes me irk…
Popplio: At least there aren’t any dogs h-
*WOOF WOOF*
Popplio: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!
Nudge: Oops, sorry, just my MP3 player sound effect 😛
Popplio: WHAT?!
osc: Stop it, both of you. Let’s get going…
K: I agree, we can’t afford to lose anyone else, like what happened with Cringeh…
Cosmo: Oh, like anyone cares about him! Let’s just move on…

Elsewhere…

xrunner: Whew, I’m almost there…
*BRAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNSSSS…*
xrunner: Fuck that, I’m go-
*He can’t noclip through the terrain*
xrunner: Ah bollocks…
Cringeh?: Urrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhh…
xrunner: WHAT THE FUCK?! CRINGEH?!
Huge Zombie: Reveeeeeeeeennnnnnnnggggggge… Geeeeeeettt reveeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnggggggge…
xrunner: Fuck this shit, I’m running away…
*One of the zombies bites xrunner*
xrunner: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!


Also elsewhere…


Fiery: Man I actually feel kind of bad…
*Clanking noises*
Nudge: WHAT?! DON’T TELL ME THE ZOMBIES FOUND US AS WELL!
*Ceiling burns away*
Fiery: WOAAAAHH! Dang it, should have known that this city was still in construction.
Dark: What the fuck are you doing here, Fiery? I thought you chickened out…
Fiery: I thought you were getting one of those bitch Victory Royales…
Dark: THE FUCK DID YOU SAY?!
Fiery: It’s not chicken to do something that is reasonable. But I guess I interrupted you having a victory royale, so yay.
Dark: Oh you are going to-
osc: Listen its not worth it

Back with IlluZhion…

Lemon: This is kinda cute… You, me, this complete darkness…
IlluZhion: Heh, ya think so?
Lemon: Just c’mere and-
*Kissing*
Hiku-chan: What the fuck? Are they kissing AGAIN?!
Shifu: Sounds like it… Let’s go, Hiku…
IlluZhion: Oh my gosh, you’re so-
*Kissing continues*
Script writer: Ok, can you actually stop?
IlluZhion: NO!
*Kissing*
Script writer: Honestly…
Shifu: Didn’t the script writer literally just tell them to stop? Ok, let’s roll…
xrunner?: BRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSS…
Hiku-chan: Lol, we can’t even get bitten…
Shifu: Oh yeah, this armor…
*They just walk through like nothing happened*

You got catfished. That implicates Shifu and Hiku not existing, being like the "incels" we talked about for so long. That implicates they could be a 63 year old man that actually framed all of us. And you still kissed them? Ew. I find that episode to be overly cringeh (welcome back !), I'm sorry but it was actually hard to read it, impossible to keep a straight face. I understand what you wanted to do, but nah, the execution was poor.
First off it's not even confirmed that Lemon likes you back. So basically you're writing fanfic episodes where you kiss someone that basically does not like you back. Imagine if I had a crush on Jey. I would not write episodes where we kiss, since he does not like me back ? That's so weird... Basically throughout the episode she's so protective of you and kisses you every 2 seconds... but in real life she may just see you as a friend ? Or maybe be irked at you ? You're always telling me "she got shy". She just didn't respond to those texts. Maybe she's disgusted by them, but as the polite person she is, she just avoid the discussion.
So maybe Lemon is irked at you and you're still kissing throughout the episode.
That brings us to the character of Lemon as a whole. I find her to be so fake and unrealistic every time YOU are writing. You're always making Lemon so protective over you, saying she loves you, clearly having a crush over you, being brutal for you, a badass girl and an edgelord... in real life she's a polite girl who speaks Japanese and responds to anything in the nicest way possible. It's like if one fanfic made my overall character a misogynistic person... it's not because it's what you would like the person to be, that you have to change the person. Enhancing some traits to make the character more interesting is okay, but at this point it is hardly Lemon.
That brings us to the very usage of Hiku and Shifu in this fanfic. They are non-existent. They are the incels all along. So why does Shifu says out of nowhere "he's my husband" ??? Bro you're talking about PDC_Cosmo, duragjamal, etc. Do you want to be their husband ? Ew. No. Even if it's all fictional, seeing it as someone who knows the story is disturbing. And it's cringe. Marriage implicated in a fanfic that is addressed towards young kids ? I was 9 when I entered this, if I saw that at 9...
I'm sorry, it's just too mushy. Sometimes it's incredible how the theming of the zombies has became secondary. Like... Cringeh's getting kidnapped? OK, you all hate him, but the little amount of emphasis put about it is incredibly low. You focus more on kissing Lemon and in the annoying love square track between Hiku, Shifu, Lemon and you. It is the primary element of this episode. Cringeh has been kidnapped and nobody cares. Everything that matters is lovey lovey lovey dovey dovey dovey...
I'm sorry. It's just too cringe to my taste.

Dude, the guy literally just confessed to killing both of them...
And as for Lemon... I still have no idea why I just make her like this... I agree, it's unrealistic

I disagree, they told me that Shifu and Hiku didn't exist, and maybe they're framing me but it sounded more believable than usual... anyways, is that a good reason to mention them as your husband ? Even if they did exist, you never got married... even if that would be your plans for the future ?
You're 14 bro ? Getting married ?
Messages 5015 - King Mario King Mario
vs37826 pts ★ Legend
battle16626 pts ★ Master
Nepal
Hampter wrote:
Killulely wrote:
Again, why are people giving free facepalms ? Nobody facepalmed Pianta or Dietsoda when they asked to join my fanfic.

Oh that’s what they said? Oops mistranslation…

I was just facepalming because i saw ther people facepalming

Why do that, you facepalm because you want to think so, not to make a big number of facepalm in 1 message
up1
Messages 5313 - King Mario King Mario
vs46435 pts ★ Titan
battle6798 pts ★ Racer
United Kingdom
Killulely wrote:
IlluZhion wrote:
Killulely wrote:
Spoiler [ShowHide]
IlluZhion wrote:
EP4 PART 1 - The Power Outage

After a long night of partying and getting drunk, Fiery and co. decide to escape the city after 1 day of sleep deprivation.

Lemon: I’m strooooooooooonggg as an oooniiiiiiiii…
IlluZhion: Remiiiiiiiiiinds me of the tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime I plaaaaaaaayed Touuuuuuhouuuuu Proooooject and I had to fiiiiiiight Suiiiiiiikaaaaaaaaaaa…
Lemon: Ah, screeeew thaaaaaaat, let’s-
*Kissing*
Fiery: Bruh… What the fuck?
Cringeh: dhdshjhkjhwefhuefnsfhsfshfksak
???: Mind if you shut your mouth, bitch?
osc: Innit man this guy keeps on blabbering about what he did for his maths homework like my guy shut your mouth for 1 second
Fiery: oh crap why’s ralsei here man NAWWWWWW
Ralsei: Cry about it bitch
Fiery: I will turn your skin into a coat. Anyways, we really need to escape this place, our heads are on the line.
IlluZhion: Iiiiiiii’mma caaaaaaarryyyyyy Leeeeeeeeemoooooon, she’s toooooo druuuuuuuuuunk to go alooooooooone…
xrunner: Ain’t no way man, you’re also drunk as hell…
Ralsei: Honestly bro, these two are seriously weird…
IlluZhion: Noooooooooooooo weeeeeeeee’re noooooooot…
Fiery: Dude, you literally gave your own girlfriend 5 gallons of sake… Hey, stop tampering with my voice lines!
IlluZhion: Hahahahahahahahahaha, no waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan…
osc: are you having a stroke
Cringeh: AAAAAAAAAA
Zombies: We’ll be taking him.
Lemon: Wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww- what?! WHO?! NO-ONE DID A THING!
Fiery: Oh good riddance, he’s a party pooper. Nobody cares about him that much anyway, just a nerd.
Popplio: At least he’s not a dog
Fiery: Kind of wish he was, then he wouldn’t be able to speak so much.
xrunner: Hey while you guys were chatting I got the secret Green Hill Zone level
IlluZhion: NOBODY CARES, CRINGEH COULD DIE!!! But to be fair, I did kind of hate him…
Lemon: Wait, was I drunk?! WHY AM I HALF-
osc: Put your hand up if you cared about him. See, nobody except you two care.
Fiery: you don’t have hands…
osc: that’s still a no for caring about him
IlluZhion: I didn’t even give two shits… So long as my Lemon is safe, I just acted like I cared lol
Fiery: what about Shifu and Hiku who are just standing at the door right there…
Lemon: WHO THE HELL ARE THEY?!
IlluZhion: One second, I need to talk to them…
Fiery: Sayonara, plot armor…STOP MESSING WITH MY VOICE LINES
osc: and you’re having another stroke…
IlluZhion: Just shut up Fiery, I need to chat with ‘em…
Hiku-chan: Hey IlluZhion-san~
Lemon: WHAT THE HELL?! WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO MY ILLUZHION LIKE THAT?!
Shifu: Oh, you don’t know? Uh, move along, cat girl, he’s my husband…
Lemon: WWWWWWWWWWWWW- WHAT?!
Fiery: ah crap lol more conflict…i swear man i’m going to commit manslaughter
osc: STOP HAVING A STROKE, JESUS CHRIST!
Lemon: HOW DARE YOU ATTEMPT TO SEDUCE MY ILLUZHION!!!
Hiku-chan: You sure you wanna fight me, feline?!
*Hiku-chan’s lost eye glows*
Lemon: WHAT THE HELL?! YOU ONLY HAVE ONE EYE!!!
Hiku-chan: And I have a power that bests your own. Leave my husband alone.
Lemon: Grrrrrrrrr…
Shifu: YOUR HUSBAND?! HE LOVES ME MORE!!!
Lemon: BOTH OF YOU ARE WRONG!!! HE LOVES ME THE MOST!!!
IlluZhion: Oh boy, more conflict…
Cosmo: Well at least try to stop your wives from fighting, dude…
Popplio: Why does polygamy always end this way…?

Ralsei: HUH?!
Popplio: Oh nevermind...
Ralsei: EXACTLY BITCH!!!
Fiery: Pssst guys, let’s just go without them, they will never stop at this pace.
Lemon: Fine, we’re going…
Hiku-chan: Keep your hands off him, both of you…
Shifu and Lemon: …
Fiery: So we going now? After 8 million years? Good, let’s go.

Back at home…

*VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
Hiku-chan: A power outage? What the hell is going on here?!
IlluZhion: Let’s go check the power…
Lemon: I’m going with you…
Fiery: Why are we checking the power instead of finding a way out of this labyrinth of buildings?
xrunner: Well IlluZhion’s plan does sound better, in all fairness…
Shifu: Why don’t we all go?

In the basement…

Hiku-chan: This place gives me trauma from somewhere…
Shifu: Don’t think about that…
Lemon: Well I’m going with IlluZhion, you simps better find someone else to leech onto…
Fiery: I’m not going inside here.
Nudge: Cry about it, we’re all going in.
Fiery: you know what i dont care about your opinion on it i’m not going inside i’m running away and probably encountering the zombies but i dont give a crap since its better than staying with you barnacles!
IlluZhion: Let’s just go…
Fiery: Jeez, you don’t have to be this stoic… OK FINE I’M GOING… I want to kill myself right now…
osc: Dude, it’s just a prank… Calm down…
Fiery: I mean going in this dark place. Did I ever tell you I had a fear of the dark? That’s why I had this lighter.
Dark: Am I a joke to you?
Fiery: yes in fact you are all you do in this story is be a fortnite fanboy go catch a victory royale or some shit
IlluZhion: Stop arguing, the lot of you… Let’s go…
Fiery: holy crap i’ve turned into what i want to destroy most…I HATE YOU SCRIPT WRITER! (i mean myself)

At the branching paths…

Hiku-chan: What the hell? How big is this place?
osc: By the looks of it, it’s so big you could make this place into a bunker…
Shifu: Better than the one me and Hiku were stuck in for hours… Wait, come to think of it that’s when we fell for IlluZhion…
IlluZhion: Let’s split into groups… Me, Hiku-chan, Shifu, Lemon and Fiery are going one way…
Nudge: Obviously you go with all the girls…
osc: Well Fiery’s a dude…
Nudge: I’m not blind…
IlluZhion: Nudge, osc and the others go the other way…
xrunner: I’mma go my own way… I can noclip my way in…
Fiery: No thank you…*runs out the door*
IlluZhion: Ok, both of you can go your way…
Lemon: Let’s get going then…
Hiku-chan: Don’t this remind you of somethin’? Like…
IlluZhion: The Catacombs? Nah, not really.
Shifu: Well of course, you ARE a vampire…
Lemon: Wait I just noticed something… You two aren’t vampires… You sure you’re married to IlluZhion?
Hiku-chan: Well the thing is… Both me and Shifu are phantoms…
Lemon: Uhhh…
Fiery in a muffled voice: Can you guys go on instead of having this chit chat?
Hiku-chan: Gah, fine…
Lemon: Welp, lookee here…
Hiku-chan: How on earth are we gonna get up THERE?!
Lemon: That’s the thing, me and IlluZhion are gonna go up there. You guys just look about below, ok?
Fiery in a muffled voice: How about you guys actually go back instead of having this shit?
IlluZhion: No goddamn way. This is my- correction, OUR city. We ain’t leavin’ till the very end…
Fiery in a muffled voice: Well, okay, see ya.
Shifu: What a coward…
Fiery: HEARD THAT! FINE IF YOU WANT ME DOWN THERE THEN FINE YOU PIECES OF SHIT.
Shifu: No, coward, you go cry about it…
Fiery: OK THAT’S IT…
*Fiery just runs off shouting “FUCK YOU DIPSHITS”*
Hiku-chan: What?
Lemon: Like we can’t hear that…
IlluZhion: Lemon, let’s just get going…
Lemon: Okie~

Meanwhile…

Nudge: Urrrgggh, just thinking about this place makes me irk…
Popplio: At least there aren’t any dogs h-
*WOOF WOOF*
Popplio: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!
Nudge: Oops, sorry, just my MP3 player sound effect 😛
Popplio: WHAT?!
osc: Stop it, both of you. Let’s get going…
K: I agree, we can’t afford to lose anyone else, like what happened with Cringeh…
Cosmo: Oh, like anyone cares about him! Let’s just move on…

Elsewhere…

xrunner: Whew, I’m almost there…
*BRAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNSSSS…*
xrunner: Fuck that, I’m go-
*He can’t noclip through the terrain*
xrunner: Ah bollocks…
Cringeh?: Urrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhh…
xrunner: WHAT THE FUCK?! CRINGEH?!
Huge Zombie: Reveeeeeeeeennnnnnnnggggggge… Geeeeeeettt reveeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnggggggge…
xrunner: Fuck this shit, I’m running away…
*One of the zombies bites xrunner*
xrunner: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!


Also elsewhere…


Fiery: Man I actually feel kind of bad…
*Clanking noises*
Nudge: WHAT?! DON’T TELL ME THE ZOMBIES FOUND US AS WELL!
*Ceiling burns away*
Fiery: WOAAAAHH! Dang it, should have known that this city was still in construction.
Dark: What the fuck are you doing here, Fiery? I thought you chickened out…
Fiery: I thought you were getting one of those bitch Victory Royales…
Dark: THE FUCK DID YOU SAY?!
Fiery: It’s not chicken to do something that is reasonable. But I guess I interrupted you having a victory royale, so yay.
Dark: Oh you are going to-
osc: Listen its not worth it

Back with IlluZhion…

Lemon: This is kinda cute… You, me, this complete darkness…
IlluZhion: Heh, ya think so?
Lemon: Just c’mere and-
*Kissing*
Hiku-chan: What the fuck? Are they kissing AGAIN?!
Shifu: Sounds like it… Let’s go, Hiku…
IlluZhion: Oh my gosh, you’re so-
*Kissing continues*
Script writer: Ok, can you actually stop?
IlluZhion: NO!
*Kissing*
Script writer: Honestly…
Shifu: Didn’t the script writer literally just tell them to stop? Ok, let’s roll…
xrunner?: BRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSS…
Hiku-chan: Lol, we can’t even get bitten…
Shifu: Oh yeah, this armor…
*They just walk through like nothing happened*

You got catfished. That implicates Shifu and Hiku not existing, being like the "incels" we talked about for so long. That implicates they could be a 63 year old man that actually framed all of us. And you still kissed them? Ew. I find that episode to be overly cringeh (welcome back !), I'm sorry but it was actually hard to read it, impossible to keep a straight face. I understand what you wanted to do, but nah, the execution was poor.
First off it's not even confirmed that Lemon likes you back. So basically you're writing fanfic episodes where you kiss someone that basically does not like you back. Imagine if I had a crush on Jey. I would not write episodes where we kiss, since he does not like me back ? That's so weird... Basically throughout the episode she's so protective of you and kisses you every 2 seconds... but in real life she may just see you as a friend ? Or maybe be irked at you ? You're always telling me "she got shy". She just didn't respond to those texts. Maybe she's disgusted by them, but as the polite person she is, she just avoid the discussion.
So maybe Lemon is irked at you and you're still kissing throughout the episode.
That brings us to the character of Lemon as a whole. I find her to be so fake and unrealistic every time YOU are writing. You're always making Lemon so protective over you, saying she loves you, clearly having a crush over you, being brutal for you, a badass girl and an edgelord... in real life she's a polite girl who speaks Japanese and responds to anything in the nicest way possible. It's like if one fanfic made my overall character a misogynistic person... it's not because it's what you would like the person to be, that you have to change the person. Enhancing some traits to make the character more interesting is okay, but at this point it is hardly Lemon.
That brings us to the very usage of Hiku and Shifu in this fanfic. They are non-existent. They are the incels all along. So why does Shifu says out of nowhere "he's my husband" ??? Bro you're talking about PDC_Cosmo, duragjamal, etc. Do you want to be their husband ? Ew. No. Even if it's all fictional, seeing it as someone who knows the story is disturbing. And it's cringe. Marriage implicated in a fanfic that is addressed towards young kids ? I was 9 when I entered this, if I saw that at 9...
I'm sorry, it's just too mushy. Sometimes it's incredible how the theming of the zombies has became secondary. Like... Cringeh's getting kidnapped? OK, you all hate him, but the little amount of emphasis put about it is incredibly low. You focus more on kissing Lemon and in the annoying love square track between Hiku, Shifu, Lemon and you. It is the primary element of this episode. Cringeh has been kidnapped and nobody cares. Everything that matters is lovey lovey lovey dovey dovey dovey...
I'm sorry. It's just too cringe to my taste.

Dude, the guy literally just confessed to killing both of them...
And as for Lemon... I still have no idea why I just make her like this... I agree, it's unrealistic

I disagree, they told me that Shifu and Hiku didn't exist, and maybe they're framing me but it sounded more believable than usual... anyways, is that a good reason to mention them as your husband ? Even if they did exist, you never got married... even if that would be your plans for the future ?
You're 14 bro ? Getting married ?

Yes but he has to fantasize in every fanfic he writes
xd4
thumbsup4
Messages 10540 - King Mario King Mario
vs35265 pts ★ Legend
battle6102 pts ★ Racer
France
Hampter wrote:
Killulely wrote:
Again, why are people giving free facepalms ? Nobody facepalmed Pianta or Dietsoda when they asked to join my fanfic.

Oh that’s what they said? Oops mistranslation…

I was just facepalming because i saw ther people facepalming

Why do that, you facepalm because you want to think so, not to make a big number of facepalm in 1 message

Even if it's a good point that you are mentioning, it's true that a big amount of facepalms can convince you to react with it as well, since society tend to follow the trends and stuff, like what's popular, what's done by many etc.
But if you think about it more deeply, you realize that it's not facepalm worthy
check1
Messages 5313 - King Mario King Mario
vs46435 pts ★ Titan
battle6798 pts ★ Racer
United Kingdom
Killulely wrote:
Hampter wrote:
Killulely wrote:
Again, why are people giving free facepalms ? Nobody facepalmed Pianta or Dietsoda when they asked to join my fanfic.

Oh that’s what they said? Oops mistranslation…

I was just facepalming because i saw ther people facepalming

Why do that, you facepalm because you want to think so, not to make a big number of facepalm in 1 message

Even if it's a good point that you are mentioning, it's true that a big amount of facepalms can convince you to react with it as well, since society tend to follow the trends and stuff, like what's popular, what's done by many etc.
But if you think about it more deeply, you realize that it's not facepalm worthy

The only time i think deeply about anything is 9:10-10:25 10:45-1:15 and 2:00-3:15 on schol days
Messages 10540 - King Mario King Mario
vs35265 pts ★ Legend
battle6102 pts ★ Racer
France
Hampter wrote:
Killulely wrote:
Hampter wrote:
Killulely wrote:
Again, why are people giving free facepalms ? Nobody facepalmed Pianta or Dietsoda when they asked to join my fanfic.

Oh that’s what they said? Oops mistranslation…

I was just facepalming because i saw ther people facepalming

Why do that, you facepalm because you want to think so, not to make a big number of facepalm in 1 message

Even if it's a good point that you are mentioning, it's true that a big amount of facepalms can convince you to react with it as well, since society tend to follow the trends and stuff, like what's popular, what's done by many etc.
But if you think about it more deeply, you realize that it's not facepalm worthy

The only time i think deeply about anything is 9:10-10:25 10:45-1:15 and 2:00-3:15 on schol days

Basically almost anytime in your day, except when you're sleeping...
Messages 3133 - King Mario King Mario
vs13554 pts ★ Champion
battle5368 pts ★ Novice
United Kingdom
Back on topic. Yeah I agree with your gripes about this part, but I’m really confident that you guys will enjoy the second part! Mostly because it’s not full of so much lovey dovey. (I mean it’s a freaking zombie apocalypse ffs also sorry about that dumb message i made on this topic) But that isn’t to say that there’s not to going to be a few things that make the second part a little worse.
thumbsup3
Messages 1226 - Golden Mario Golden Mario
vs17573 pts ★ Master
battle5983 pts ★ Novice
Philippines
Can you make me not play Fortnite anymore? I don't play Fortnite and I don't like the fact I'm playing it
Messages 10540 - King Mario King Mario
vs35265 pts ★ Legend
battle6102 pts ★ Racer
France
ItzD4rk wrote:
Can you make me not play Fortnite anymore? I don't play Fortnite and I don't like the fact I'm playing it

I'm sorry but this message doesn't make any sense, are you playing it or not ? You're telling us you don't, then you're telling us you do and that you don't like it
Fortnite F tier imo
Messages 1226 - Golden Mario Golden Mario
vs17573 pts ★ Master
battle5983 pts ★ Novice
Philippines
Killulely wrote:
ItzD4rk wrote:
Can you make me not play Fortnite anymore? I don't play Fortnite and I don't like the fact I'm playing it

I'm sorry but this message doesn't make any sense, are you playing it or not ? You're telling us you don't, then you're telling us you do and that you don't like it
Fortnite F tier imo

I meant I dont play Fortnite irl. I just don't wanna play Fortnite in the fanfic anymore
surprised1
ok_hand1
pray1

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