What problems are you having recently?

My parents tell me I have a talent for writing stuff, my friends sometimes thank me for giving some things (e.g. : food) to them. But that is not what I need most. What I need most is ;

When I am crying. I don't want people to ask me what is wrong and help me. I want them to not trash talk me for it. I want people to understand why I cry and why I get angry, I want people to understand how hard it is to be the only one apologizing each and every time. I want to stop hearing "you are such a crybaby" when I am already holding many tears in my daily life. I want to feel praised when I am positive, and to feel validated or understood when I am negative.

I think my life is good but I still feel sad. My so called friends don't help much. Some don't care, some are annoying and selfish. Some are even saying racist things to me "go back to your own country, go eat dogs, your mother disowned you because you were too ugly, your grandmother is in hell and you will join her soon..."

I always fake it with a smile. Because I'm already seemingly too sensitive for them. So I laugh it off. Try to act like I'm fine, but I'm not, and no friend of mine IRL could even care enough to listen to me.

Something else that is hard is, people seem to have way different standards with me. One guy, I will call him Jake. Jake is the one saying racist stuff to me. Jake also goes around biting people's arms, but nobody gets even mad at him. If I slightly scratch someone it is apparently a drama. Some people go around and tease someone. They find it fun. When I do the same, they get so mad and hit me.

Because I am always too annoying, too sensitive, too complaining, too overreactive. I am so easy to blame. People don't even try to understand me. Some ask what is wrong but they do it in a forced way. And they are not even my friends. I feel like people misunderstand me a lot.

And sometimes I feel like a cheap copy of others. People like me for the same things as they do for others. I can be funny sometimes, but not as much as Jake. I can sing well but not as well as my girl best friend. And the list goes on.

My parents do not help much. I have a lot on going in May and June. But we are still obligated to go to the mountains. I cannot rest or prepare my oral exam for god's sake, we just have to go hiking. Blah blah. So much time I could use to rest, to do projects, to advance homework,
but no we have to go hiking.

My mom is also being annoying. Yes we make up later, but she always blames shit on me and my father because her exam is approaching and nothing can be her fault. She is drowned in her work, only talks about it, harasses everyone with it, and comes late to things because she has to work.

And the teachers drown us in homework despite the schedule already being super filled. Yes the association of parents organized an expensive trip at an amusement park and yes that is fantastic. But homework is just so tiring. They must think we are robots.

Ahh. Life is happy. But the problem is, I have no friend to talk to about this. So I feel bad. Should I feel good ? I don't know anymore.